I've been feeling down from Sunday just because of something that Indra said.
In times like this, little things can really blow myself up.
Seeing other people happy and blessed with no major problem in their lives makes me down even more. How can God let others happy but not me? Why does God give other people a healthy baby but not me? These thoughts hurt me deeply.
What did i do to deserve all this? i know im not better than anyone else but im sure there are a lot of people that are worse than me. And what makes it harder is there are a lot of people falling pregnant now, i asked "God, is it not enough to take my son away, now You have to give me all these pregnant ladies in front of me? just great!!"
And im sick and tired of people saying "Dont worry, you'll be ok" or "I understand how you feel" bla bla bla...because you know what?? YOU DONT!! you dont know how it feels until you lost your child, so please if there is anyone who lost a child, come and show me how to deal with the grieve, otherwise, just get lost!
This morning i felt horrible, i didnt have energy left, i cried too long last night.
I could barely open my eyes and still driving hoping that something will hit me so i dont have to face all these again.
And i reluctantly read Our Daily Bread and hoping for some answer.
Today's title is: "God Remembers"
"God remembers us wherever we are. Our concerns are His concerns. Our pain is His pain. Commit your challenges and difficulties to Him. He is the all-seeing God who remembers us as a mother remembers her children, and He waits to meet our needs"
Well, this devotional didnt change my bad mood in a split second, but at least it's something that i can hold on to. Hoping that God really feels my pain right now.
Monday, April 13, 2009
GOD REMEMBERS
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3 comments:
Helo there,
To be very honest.. It's feels weird sending a message to someone I don't know. I wanted to send you an email or private message.. but I don't find your contact information on this blog.
I am sure you'll be amazed reading this whole thing. But one thing for sure.. God remembers you. =)
It started on 2007 (2yrs ago)..
I like to read my friend's blog. Out of the blue, I randomly click on her blog's link (which is apparently your blog).. and ended up reading your blog post. I truly admired your pretty works (bags, pillow covers, etc). After that day, I don't remember opening your blogs anymore these past 2 yrs.
About last month, my boyfriend found a website called Etsy.com , I don't know whether you heard about this website or not. It's basically a trading website for people who loves handmade items. All of sudden, I remember you and your blog, and your works. I don't know why I really want to tell you about Etsy. I searched your blog on Google.. but I couldn't find you.
Then last week, God tells me to searched for you again. Isn't it weird? But this time.. God reminds me that your last name was Pratama. As weird as it sounds.. I search for your name. And I found you!
I read your blog.. and I was so sad to read your stories. I was asking God why did He wanted me to search for you. Why do I need to read your post.. but He reminded me that I need to tell you about Etsy.com.
but last week.. I decided not to send you the message. The reason was because: I thought you were probably busy with your work (and probably busy fixing your broken heart).
But today.. I open your blog again for the tenth times in a week. I read this post and the last post. I found out that you just resigned from your job.
So.. Here I am sending you this long comment.. just to tell you about Etsy.com. It would probably be a good business opportunity for you.
If you think God forgot about you.. I guess you are wrong. I live in the US, so far from where you are. I read your blog 2 years ago.. and how in the world I remember you upon seeing Etsy.com? How could I remember a blog name that I opened 2 yrs ago?
I just believe that God must have something ahead of you.
Take care.
S
Dear S,
Wow, thank you for your long comment :). It really blows me away how God send a message through you in US.
I have heard about Etsy, and i actually tried couple of times uploading my works, but then i just forgot about it. You are right, it's been my long lost dream to have my own brand on crafts that i made, but i just dont have the confidence in myself. My husband has been supporting me to at least start something but i kept delaying it, until i read your comment, it's truly uplifting!! :)
Thank you for keeping yourself persistent in finding my blog, otherwise God's message wouldnt arrive here in Australia :)
I know some of my postings sound very negative, and to be honest, i dont want to bring down anyone who read my blog. But my days are still weird now, one day i could wake up in a total new spirit, ready to face the day and start fresh. But any other day, i could wake up in total desperation. I suppose this is part of the grieving process, and i hope it will be over soon.
But i thank God through what had happened, i could finally experience miraculous things in my life, including your message above. And yes, i believe God has something great for me ahead.
So i thank you again :) :)
Have a great day!
xoxo,
PangTama
Nothing's wrong with the negative post. People who experience the same thing would probably feel what you feel. They just don't say or write it..
I would say.. If it makes you feel better then say it out loud or write them all. I believe one day you'll get over it. Then Look back, read your old posts, and you might appreciate what you have more than everybody else.
So you probably know Etsy longer than me. =) Looks like the website becomes more popular now (more traffic). I've sold many leather bags as well.. It was sold pretty fast.
I saw lots of handmade bags, shoes, and pillow covers on Etsy. They are not as pretty as yours.. but they sell about 600 bags in 1 year. So I don't see why you don't have the confidence. =)
Good luck ya! Have the courage and just pray about it.
Love
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