Wednesday, July 29, 2009


I used this quote from the Bible "Faith, Hope, Love..and the greatest is Love" in our wedding invitation 2 years ago. Never thought that this quote would help me a lot during tough times. This posting relates to my previous posting "A Simple act of Love".

As you all know, i have moved on, but as a human being sometimes i still feel sad and down everytime i remember my son. It is not something that you can get it over in a night. I am still experiencing emotional rollercoaster now and then.

Last time i felt down, one of my church friends asked me if im ok. So i shared a little bit of my feeling. To be honest with you, i do feel angry toward God sometimes, i feel that He's been unfair to me, i feel abandoned by God, but I know God loves me for who i am and i truly believe that He has planned something bigger for me. Then this friend started to hit me back with what i've done wrong and what i should've done. I was shocked!
If you are speaking with someone who is grieving, would you bring up matters that hurts them the most? Would you try to point out their mistakes and telling them that these are the consequences? and giving them the idealistic speeches over what is wrong and what is right? Who are we to judge?

I told Indra what happened, and he was very upset as well. But he mentioned this quote to me, and it helps me a lot. He said "Faith, Hope, Love...and the greatest is Love", what's the point of having so much Faith but you dont have Love? The bible itself said that the greatest is Love. GOD is LOVE. If you can speak in tongue but you dont have Love, you'll only be noisy to God. It is very simple, Christianity is simple, LOVE, LOVE, and LOVE. Yet this LOVE often missing because of IDEALISTIC, HYPOCRISY and SELF RIGHTEOUS.

But i thank God for showing me these people, i promised that i will not let myself down again, and most importantly, not to act like them. It really helped me to stand on my feet again and continue my journey with Jesus, the true LOVE.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


No matter how often you send me messages,
I wouldnt be able to read them.
No matter how many times you say you love me,
I wouldnt be here to hear them.
Even if you call my phone a thousand times
I wouldnt be here to answer it.
And when that happen, you'd wish you can turn back time, just to spend a moment with me, but it's all too late.

Monday, July 13, 2009


We were shocked yesterday morning by a really devastating news.
One of our church friends passed away yesterday morning, and she was 7 months pregnant with her first child. They managed to delivered the baby and the baby is doing well at the moment. Why are we shocked? because she was probably the fittest among all women in the church and she was only 29 yrs old! She was still teaching Sunday school last Sunday and now she is gone :(.

I believe she had lived her life to the fullest and now is in the loving arms of Jesus. But I'm sure this is going to be a super tough journey for her husband and the baby. I really pray for extra strength and comfort for them. For someone who has experienced a loss as well, my heart is broken to hear such a news. I know his loss is far worse than mine, but hey, no matter how big or small, a loss is still a loss.
Now i understand that the sense of loss will never go away, you can only cope better i guess. The memories will still be there no matter how many years have passed.

I hope and pray that he will keep hanging unto Jesus. It's true what my pastor's said "It is better to have disappointment with God than disappointment without God". The principle of "God has a greater purpose in all of these" might be hard to grab at times like this. Just like when i lost my son, it was almost impossible to see and hang on to God's promise. What good things could possibly come out of this? i asked that myself. All i felt was anger and desperation, desperation of an answer.

As we are moving on, God reveals his purpose one by one and when we look back someday, our eyes will be opened to His grand and awesome plan. Just believe that His plan is perfect, so we don't need to worry that our lives will fail.

This sad sad news is a HUGE wake up call for all of us. Sometimes we take people whom we love for granted, we always delay what we want to say to them or we forgot to say sorry for what we've done. We never know God's timing, it could be next year, next month, next week, tomorrow, today, or even this very second while I'm typing this entry. Throw as much love as possible to the people you love while you still have the chance and be thankful for each morning that you have when you wake up.

Bel, i know that we didn't have much chance to talk and know each other more, but i know that you were a great woman of God, a great wife and mom. I believe that you are in the better place with Jesus. So sad that you didn't have a chance to take care of your son, neither did i. If you see Em in heaven, please give him a HUGE kiss from me :). Someday, we will meet again there and serve Him together as we did here

Sunday, July 5, 2009


This morning at church, they played my testimony video after the sermon. The sermon was about "Grow Your Faith", and one of them is through tragedy.

I was very nervous, especially about my english :P. I did write the things that i wanted to share but i didn't read during the recording, because it looked a lot difference if i read, and it doesn't look natural. So, i wasn't too emotional during the recording because i focused on my words and sentences. And i don't like seeing or hearing myself in the recording, so i was a bit embarrassed when they started to play the video, but it turned out good. I really hope that my story can touch people's hearts and be a blessing for those who are experiencing the similar situation.

We recorded the video on Wednesday night, before that, i wasn't feeling too well on that afternoon. I felt down and stuck, i wasn't up to the task. But on the way home from work, i heard this song on the radio, it's not a Christian song, but the words hit me and lifted up my spirit. The song is 'The Climb' by Miley Cyrus, here is the lyrics:

The Climb lyrics
Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Yup, there's always gonna be another mountain of problems in the future and I'm always gonna make it move. Because it's not about how fast i get there or what's waiting on the other side but it's the climb that matters.