04.05.09

Im having day off today, i only work 3 days a week now, Tuesday to Thursday, so long weekend every week ^_^
I like to work and doing something, so when i started working part time, i felt weird, i felt like i wasted my 2 days of the week. But lately, i started to enjoy my free days, i clean, wash, vacum on those days, and what's better, i can do my sewing project too :). This afternoon i took an intermediate coffee making class, it was fun! the instructor gave us these fake dockets, we had to make 14 different coffee order and he timed us as well. I completed 14 coffees in 18 mins!! not so bad but the taste was a little bit weak :P.

Lately i received some comments on my blog, some of them are anonymous. These comments really blew me away, if you see the comment in my posting "God Remembers", it was a miracle!! God gave me message through someone in US!! I still get the goosebumps whenever i read it. I am grateful if my experience can be an inspiration or encouragement for other people, this way, i can show them how great our God is. I never thought that i would recover this fast emotionally, yes im still sad from time to time but most of time, i feel very positive and blessed. From the stories that i read, some people who experienced the same thing took years to overcome their grieves and actually moved on. So i thought, it would happen to me too. Thinking that it would take me years to recover scared me a lot!! Crying every day and night was so exhausting, physically and emotionally.

Accepting the loss is one thing, there are few things that you have to deal with after that. For me, it's very hard to see pregnant women or women with babies, it feels unfair to me. But then gradually, it became a little bit easier for me. Yesterday, we had baby dedication at church, and i felt fine, i even talked to the mothers and saw the babies afterward, in fact i felt happy for them. Thinking back, i would never be able to do that if God didnt give me extra strength.

The coffee shop project is still in the process *sigh*, it's been dragging too long!! nothing wrong from our side, just bitter feud between the current owner and the leasing agent. I hope it will be done this month, no matter what the result is, we know it's the best for us.

I've been doing SOAP journaling, our church gives away thick journal for each of us and everyday, we should read the 3-4 verses which are given for that day, and we put down specific verses which appeal the most to you, we observe the verse and apply that verse into our daily lives. I remember the journal from 1st May 09, the verse that appealed to me was about forgiving. Jesus was asked 'how many times should we forgive those who have done wrong to us? seven times?' and Jesus answered 'Not seven times, but seventy seven times!'. It is hard to forgive people who have done wrong to us, to forgive people once for their mistake is hard enough, let alone seventy seven times!. It is not common in this world to keep forgiving the same people for the same mistakes they've done, usually we will get tired of them and we try our best to keep our distance with them. The true forgiveness that Jesus said is not only from your mouth but also from your heart. It is easy enough to say 'yes, i forgive you', but can you actually forgive them from your heart??. I find it difficult. Sometimes i still talk about their mistakes and get angry behind their back. But i promised myself i will learn to forgive from my heart next time. Once i forgive them, i will try to refrain myself to talk about them behind their back, and i know i will be able to do that with God's help.

Anyway, just random information, i have watched 'Doubt' the movie, there was this particular scene that i like when the priest preach a sermon at the church, he talks about gossip. It went like this:

"A woman was gossiping with her friend about a man whom they hardly knew - I know none of you have ever done this. That night, she had a dream: a great hand appeared over her and pointed down on her. She was immediately seized with an overwhelming sense of guilt. The next day she went to confession. She got the old parish priest, Father O' Rourke, and she told him the whole thing. 'Is gossiping a sin?' she asked the old man. 'Was that God All Mighty's hand pointing down at me? Should I ask for your absolution? Father, have I done something wrong?' 'Yes,' Father O' Rourke answered her. 'Yes, you ignorant, badly-brought-up female. You have blamed false witness on your neighbor. You played fast and loose with his reputation, and you should be heartily ashamed.' So, the woman said she was sorry, and asked for forgiveness. 'Not so fast,' says O' Rourke. 'I want you to go home, take a pillow upon your roof, cut it open with a knife, and return here to me.' So, the woman went home: took a pillow off her bed, a knife from the drawer, went up the fire escape to her roof, and stabbed the pillow. Then she went back to the old parish priest as instructed. 'Did you cut the pillow with a knife?' he says. 'Yes, Father.' 'And what were the results?' 'Feathers,' she said. 'Feathers?' he repeated. 'Feathers; everywhere, Father.' 'Now I want you to go back and gather up every last feather that flew out onto the wind,' 'Well,' she said, 'it can't be done. I don't know where they went. The wind took them all over.' 'And that,' said Father O' Rourke, 'is gossip!'

It was a perfect illustration for gossip!! sometimes we don't realize what we said to other people, we might think that this person is trustworthy and he or she will not tell to anyone else, but we never know, once that gossip spreads, it's just like feathers from that illustration, we cant control it anymore, and no matter how hard we try, we can never go back and gather all the feathers. So i learnt to speak carefully from then on :)

Oh yaa..one more thing...that new movie "Defiance" is a great movie!! highly recommended!!

To people who dropped comments on my blog, i THANK YOU!!! your comments have been a blessing for me :) and i hope i can be a blessing for others too.

*God, tell Em i miss him, big kiss and hug from mommy*