02.04.2009 | 11.24PM

Today we went to KEMH again to meet the doctor and discuss about the autopsy result of my son.
I prayed so hard so there will be no bad news today, i've tried so hard bulding back my life and now that im moving on, i so dont want to hear anymore bad news.

We met the doctor who assisted me on the procedure, she is really nice lady, humble and thoughtful.
She basically said that the autopsy confirmed that there were no kidneys from the start, not even a tissue was developed for the kidney. The other parts of the body were normal, no genetic problem whatsoever. And she said the possibility of this occuring in the future is extremely small.

On the way home, i was thinking about all that happened, and everything became clear to me. When we first received the news about 3 months ago, some people told us to have faith in God that He will do miracle, and this was actually our test of faith. But after hearing the autopsy result, my mindset was changed, and somehow i can see it from a different angle.
My heart said that yes, this was our test, but a different test than what most people said. Our test was to have faith that God will restore our relationship with Him and that He has greater plan for us.

I know some of you will disagree with what im about to say. But i believe God put doctors and technology for a reason, im not saying that i should believe doctors more than God, but i shouldnt use my faith blindly. We do believe 100% that God can perform miracle, but it might not be God's test for us. We did ask God to speak to us if He wanted us to keep going, but He kept silent. Even if Em had 5% chance, we would go all the way, but it was 0% chance. The kidneys were not there all along, it makes me believe even more that God let all these happened for something, something great and it's true.

We are blessed that we've been having a good life with no major problems to solved. Sometimes when your life is smooth sailing, you dont really feel God's involvement in our lives. Maybe that's what happen with us. We truly believe that God let this happened because He wanted us to feel His love and involvement again. Oh yes, the feeling is crystal clear, we feel so loved by God, He put everything back to the right places.

*Baby Em..
Thank you for being there in our lives even for a short time
You are part of God's BIG plan for mommy and daddy's lives, you are in His mission,
and mommy truly blessed to experienced all these and to be able to hold you for a while.
You have brought us back into God's loving arms, and mommy loves you very much for that.
I miss you baby..*
xoxo,
Mommy