BABY EMMANUEL

13th Feb 09, 08.39am, KEMH Subiaco.Our son, Emmanuel Ethan Pratama, was born.

As soon as I feel him arrived into the world, all the pains suddenly gone.
He silently entered the world.
I wasn't ready to see him that way but the nurse put him in my chest.
I saw him for the first and last time, he was tiny and looked like he was sleeping peacefully.
He definitely had my nose,cheek and chin, he looked a lot like me.

I saw the tears rolling down from Indra's eyes, I asked him to touch our son but he just shooked his head slowly while trying hard to holding back his tears.
I looked at Em and touched his cheek, I saw his tiny hands beneath the blanket, I wanted to open the blanket and hold his hands and feet but I was too scared I might break him.
After Indra cut his cord, I asked him to pray for Em, I prayed so that God carry my baby in His arms to heaven as he was too perfect for this unperfect world.
I beg God everyday for another chance to see baby Em, there is so much I want to say.

God, please read him this love letter from me.

"Baby Em... Mommy misses you everyday...
There were a lot of things I should've done when u were in my womb.
I had you for only a short time but it was the best moment in my life.
Mommy looks at your photo every single day with tears and I can't wait to see you face to face
and hold you in my arms again when the time comes.
I hope you forgive me for not holding you long enough and not kissing you when I had the chance,
but know this, I love you so much...you will always be mommy's little boy.
Lots of love and kisses,
Mommy and Daddy"