13.03.2009 | 08.39am

Exactly at this time, one month ago, i saw my son for the first time.
I can feel the pain, sadness, relieve, despair, and everything that you could ever felt.

God, i miss him...
How is he doing there? is he a good boy?
Please tell him that we love and miss him a lot.
Please tell him to remember us..

My head is spinning now, i cried too hard and too much last nite to the point i couldnt breath.
The pain is unbearable God, please take it away a little bit, please help me...
God...why?

Emmanuel, how are you today?
Mommy misses you so much, especially today.
I held you for a while, and that's it...
Mommy is having a memorial service tonight with your aunts and uncles :)
Mommy asked them to write you a letter, so you know how much they miss and love you.
Last nite, I bought you a little white teddy bear, that was the first toy i got for you. I didnt have chance to do much for you, so many plans and dreams that we had for you, now they are gone. I didnt have a chance to finish the blanket that i knitted for you, i didnt have a chance to buy you lots of toys, i didnt have a chance to give you lots of kisses and hugs. I promised myself to give you the best that we could give.
You are in the best place now with Jesus, please be a good boy...
I love you my little man...