I AM ANSWERED

"Suddenly i realised that i have a daughter.
I remember that i havent been around for her for sometime, someone else taking care of her, feeding and holding her. I forgot that i have a daughter because i was too focused on my grieving for Em.
So, i came back to see my daughter and i held her in my arms, and the hole in my heart was filled up again.
She has a dark black wavy hair like me, and she is so beautiful.
When i came back to see her, she was in this room with other kids, and she was colouring a picture and when she saw me, she just dropped everything in her hand, smiling and running towards me, and she shouted "Mommy!!" with her arms wide open. I lift her up and hug her, and at that very moment, i felt my life complete again."

Yes, that was my dream.
In case you dont know, im a dreamer, i dream every night and about anything.
Mostly related to what's happened on that day or to what's been hanging on my mind.
Since i lost Em, never once i dream about him, and it's so weird because it affected my life so much and i miss him everyday but not once he came to my dream. I miss him so much to the point i asked God to bring him to my dream. But still nothing.

And suddenly i had this dream.
When i woke up, i realised there was an important message on my dream. I felt like this dream is telling me to move on. If i focused too much on what's in the past, i would never see what could happen in the future. In my dream, i was grieving too deep that i didnt realised i have a daughter.

I told Indra many times that this hole in my heart seems cant be replaced my anything. And i wonder whether i'd feel this way my whole life.
I can actually feel my heart full again when i hugged my daughter in my dream. The sense of loss was suddenly gone and i felt a deep warmth in my heart. It was very real that when i opened my eyes, i still could feel the warmth feeling and i would do anything to feel that again.

Guess what, i had another dream last nite that relates to Em.
In my dream, i have a son, he's so tiny like Em when he was born, so tiny that i could carry him in one hand, but he is healthy and had my nose too.
I put on new clothes on him and at that moment i feel so sad that i couldnt put good clothes on Em when he was born. I was going to cry in my dream.

2 nights in a row after waiting for more than 1 month??
Could they be God's answers to my prayer? i did ask God to answer and give me comfort and assurance. I felt like He wanted to tell me that i have to move on so i wouldnt be blinded by the past. And i believe He has prepared something great ahead that finally can replace my loss and fill up my life again.
Now i know why God didnt give me the dream earlier, because i wouldnt be able to handle it so well. It could very much destroys me emotionally. Now that im moving on, He answered me in the way i wanted.

And yes God, i am moving on with You..



"Baby Em..
I had a dream last night that i have a son, he looked like you but i knew it wasnt you, he had different eyes than yours..
I am sad that i couldnt give you the very best and i couldnt put good clothes on you.
But i believe you are complete and healthy in there with Jesus, and that you are playing happily in heaven.
I am moving on baby Em, but it doesnt mean that im leaving you behind, you will always be in my heart, wherever i go. You will always be my beautiful son :)
I love you so much, i cant wait to give you the longest kiss and hug...and when that happen, i will never let you go again.."
xoxo,
Mommy