Missing you still..

Today is Feb 13th. Yes, it is the 2nd anniversary of Emmanuel's passing.
It has been 2 years, but it never got easier.

Everything went normal today, but i've been feeling sad all day.

It's still very clear in my head of what happened 2 years ago. I was in labour and fighting for 24 hours.
I broke down in tears when my eyes caught Em's memories box while changing Ollie.
It's a simple blue box with my entire life in it. All i have left of Em are in that box.

I was so tempted to grab it and opened it to see his tiny clothes, his mini teddy bear, his hat, his photos, but it was probably not a good idea. As i am writing this, i am contemplating maybe i should sit in my room with Em's box. I feel like a bad mom if i don't do it but it is so hard for me :'(

"Baby Em, i miss you every single day... having you in my arms even for a short time is something that i really treasure in my life. I really hope you know how much i want to kiss and hug you. I know Jesus is holding you in heaven, so you are in the best place possible. Mommy can't wait to see you again, and when that time comes, i will give you the biggest kiss and hug..i love you"