BOOK

Here is a little experiment done by my husband at Photo4Life and i.
It's amazing what you can do with technology these days :D

6 MONTHS

Yeay, Olie is 6 months old! time does flies.
It seems only yesterday i held him the first time.
Olie is almost crawling and one tooth is sticking out :), his temperature was a bit high for 2 days but he wasn't cranky at all, but he drools all over the place, i guess im lucky :)
He is having cough and runny nose right now, but even then, he is still good and easy.
Anyway, here is his monthly photo:

Missing you still..

Today is Feb 13th. Yes, it is the 2nd anniversary of Emmanuel's passing.
It has been 2 years, but it never got easier.

Everything went normal today, but i've been feeling sad all day.

It's still very clear in my head of what happened 2 years ago. I was in labour and fighting for 24 hours.
I broke down in tears when my eyes caught Em's memories box while changing Ollie.
It's a simple blue box with my entire life in it. All i have left of Em are in that box.

I was so tempted to grab it and opened it to see his tiny clothes, his mini teddy bear, his hat, his photos, but it was probably not a good idea. As i am writing this, i am contemplating maybe i should sit in my room with Em's box. I feel like a bad mom if i don't do it but it is so hard for me :'(

"Baby Em, i miss you every single day... having you in my arms even for a short time is something that i really treasure in my life. I really hope you know how much i want to kiss and hug you. I know Jesus is holding you in heaven, so you are in the best place possible. Mommy can't wait to see you again, and when that time comes, i will give you the biggest kiss and hug..i love you"

5 MONTHS

Oliver is 5 months old on 20 Jan! Time flies hey, it seems only yesterday he was born, now he can roll over and eats solid :)

I've been tremendously blessed with Oliver, he is a very good boy *sounds bias i know*
My mom said that im lucky that Oli has Indra's personality, very easy going and kind. Unlike me, i was very difficult when i was a baby, mom said that she had to carry and rock me for hours, she couldnt even sit for a while.

When Oliver was 3.5 months, he started to sleep longer during the night. He slept for 5-6 hours straight and only woke up once or twice.
We tried our best not to carry or rock him to sleep, unless he was cranky. We always put him on his cot, wrapped, 2 bolsters on his side and a dummy, and he would fall asleep by himself.
The last few days, he's been sleeping for 9 hours straight! He woke up in the morning around 6 for a feed and fell back to sleep until 9am *heaven*
Few people told us that we are lucky to have him :)

Anyway, let's stop boasting about Olie, i'm sure every parents feel the same way about their babies :). Here is Olie at 5 months:

BABY CHLOE

My good friend delivered her baby girl on boxing day, she is a miracle baby! my friend and i have gone through similar situation in our lives and im truly happy for her that she finally got to hold baby Chloe in her arms :)

Before Chloe was born, i always wanted to make a baby quilt for her, just like the one i made for Olie. But after Olie was born, i didnt have time to do my routines let alone making blanket. But Chloe is so special, i forced myself to start the quilt. It took 2-3 weeks for the fabric to arrived and i booked one day to finish the quilt. I begged Indra to look after Oli that day :)
I always had yellow and purple in my mind, but i couldnt find the purple so i ended up making yellow-pink combination quilt.

Here you go:

OLIVER'S MONTHLY PHOTOS

Motherhood is surely not easy, but it's been so rewarding when your baby smiles at you.
Last time i posted an entry was almost 5 months ago and after that, my life is full with Oliver :)
Anyway, i promised myself last time to take Oliver's monthly photo, so far i did it well, i just dont have the time to upload them.
So here they are, month 2 to 4:







And yes, he looks more like me every day :)

1 MONTH OLD

In our family, we have a tradition of shaving baby's hair when they are 30 days old. Back in Indonesia, the family usually sends out red dyed eggs to relatives and friends, but over here in Australia, i cant afford sending out 30 eggs to each person! so, i ordered cupcakes instead :)

Ollie has been good so far, he drinks a lot and i think he gained quite a lot too. He also managed to sleep longer at night, not every night yet, but hopefully it will very soon :P. My mom is here until the end of October so i got a lot of help in term of washing, cooking, cleaning even carrying Ollie. It's normal for my mom to be so excited over Ollie as he is her first grandchild, she would carry Ollie all the time, pick him up over small things, and now i have to rock him to sleep. Im trying to tell her not to rock him too much, but i guess she just loves him too much :D

Anyway, here is Ollie's 1 month photo, i will try my best to take his monthly photo.

FATHER'S DAY

Yesterday was father's day in Australia. It was really special for Indra as it was his first ever father's day :)
We went to church yesterday and Indra came up to the front when they prayed for all the dads, it was so special.

I remember the day before but i just didnt have time to prepare anything for Indra. The only thing i said was 'thank you'.
I cant thank him enough for all his love, he always support me in whatever i do and encourage me to try and do the things i passionate about. We've been through a lot for the past 8 years, but nothing compare to the last 2 weeks with baby Olie around.
I never knew that taking care a baby would be this joyful and tough at the same time. The change is HUGE, sometimes i got overwhelmed.

I couldnt asked for a better life companion than Indra. He is willing to wake up to change the nappy and warm the milk for Olie every night. When i got so sleepy and tired, he would do everything and let me sleep, eventhough he needs to wake up in the morning to go to work.
He's been juggling a lot of work lately, besides his full time job, he helps me with the shop and on the weekend, he does his photography job for the whole day and he would still be willing to help me with Olie at night. Sometimes i feel sad looking at him tired and sleepy in the morning, i would call him to make sure that he arrives safely. I don't know where he got that much energy to do all these things, but im sure God has been giving him extra strength.

I read in the daily devotional this morning, a question "Have you ever found yourself receiving such exceeding favor that you wonder why?". For me, having Indra as my husband and the father of my son is God's exceeding favor upon my life, God is lavishing His grace on me.

I cant thank Him enough for giving me such a wonderful husband and life companion.

'Happy Father's day honey..."

OLIVER QUINN PRATAMA

Finally..we are holding our boy!!
It's been a week since he was born last Friday on 20th August at 7.59am.
We stayed at the hospital for 6 days, we tried to make the most out of it :)

It was such a mixed feeling when Indra and i were driving to the hospital on Friday morning. We realised at that moment that we will go back from the hospital bringing the baby. It's no longer 2 but 3!
We arrived at 6am and i was the first on the operation list. As much as i tried to prepare myself, i was so nervous, sitting on the hospital bed waiting for the nurses and doctors to come.
Then a nurse came and prepare me for the operation, i changed into operation gown and they brought me to the theatre. Indra was with me all the time.

Somehow, operation theatre is always cold and freezing, not sure because of i was so nervous or what. I remember Indra held my hand when the doctor injected the spinal block on my spine, that was painful!
The operation only lasted for 30 minutes, they managed to take out the baby in probably 20 minutes. I heard baby Ollie screamed so loud the moment doctor pulled him out. I cant describe my feeling at that time, so weird that the baby is mine. I never thought that i would be able to have one, my own. Soon after that they showed me the baby, and he was still purple and blue and swollen :P.

When they finished cleaning baby Ollie, they put him in my arm, and he kept crying so loud. I didn't know what to do so i just hold him. The next 6 days at the hospital was a whole new experience and learning curve. We learnt how to care for a baby from zero. Holding, breast feeding, changing nappies, bathing, we also learnt how not to have enough sleep every night :)
Baby Ollie is well behave, he sleeps quick and not easily distracted by noise, the only thing is he cries very very loud.

Now i rarely have time for myself, because whenever Ollie sleeps, that's my time to sleep too. I really made an effort to write this entry. So that's it for now, have to check on Ollie again :)

2

2 days to go!!! Woohoo!!
I cant wait to see our baby boy, wondering is he going to look like me or Indra :)
We did not take more scan after the 20 week, so we have no idea.
There are some private places that do independent 4D scan without doctor referral, but we decided not to take one.
We want to have a bit of surprise i guess :)

It's getting harder to sleep, apart from the ribs pain, i've been having heart burns and braxton hicks during the night.
I think that's how nature prepare our bodies to welcome the newborn, yes, sleepless nights.
I really hope i've got everything ready though. I have no idea what's important to buy or things that can wait.

I only have 2 days left before the baby comes, i really want to use these 2 days to prepare myself in welcoming the baby, and more importantly facing the biggest change in my life. There are a lot of things that needs to be done at the shop, but i try not to think about it now. The most important thing in my life now is the baby. I have to focus on how to be a godly mother for my son, preparing not only financial support for him but more importantly emotional support. I've heard stories about baby blues syndrome, and it is very possible to happen to some women who used to full time work and independent, suddenly they have to stay at home and not as flexible as before. Knowing that i might be a possible candidate for that syndrome, i've been trying to change they way i think. Things WILL change and i HAVE to be able to accept it.

Okay, now sleepiness is striking again, better have as much sleep as i can before Friday :p

7

Yes, today is Friday the 13th, exactly a week before the c-section procedure.
By this time next week, i will be able to hold and see his face after 9 months of waiting.

I've been having trouble sleeping for the last few days, as the baby is on my right side and getting bigger, it's painful for me to lay flat on the bed. I felt my ribs being pushed down.
Indra had to re-arrange pillows before sleep so that i would be able to sleep in an upright position. It helps me a lot, but when i woke up in the morning, my back would suffer from the position. That's ok, only 7 days to go :)

I've been having weird dreams too lately. Well, research says it's common to have dreams during the last stage of pregnancy. It's probably from the excitement welcoming the baby. My dreams have been so real, they didn't feel like a dream but more of a memories.

Despite of the circumstances and situation surrounding our lives now, i'm so grateful for everything. Having a baby is not going to be easy and cheap. But we know God will meet our needs. I am thankful that i have my sister here, she is 7 years younger than me, she's been helping me with the shop and more to that, she's really great with kids and babies. She knows exactly how to handle and take care of them. While i have no clue at all :P

Nursery is almost done, just needs to finish the cot. But anyway we're not going to use the cot for the first few months. The baby will sleep in bassinet in our room. I have also packed my hospital bag, gosh time flies so fast.
I will post a finished photo of the nursery room, i cant upload it now as i have put his name all over the room :P
I really hope that we can access the internet at the hospital so i can upload his photo as soon as he arrives.

Pray for us so that everything will go smoothly :)

11

It's getting closer and i cant believe by Friday next week, we will be able to see our baby boy :D
What a long 9 months. Here is the latest photo of me with the bump :)

18

It's the 2nd of August today, it means 18 days to go before we can hold our baby boy :)
Gosh, time flies really fast..

Nursery is almost finished, we've put up the shelf and chest drawer. The wall decal has arrived this afternoon and we plan to stick it up tonight :). Hopefully it turns out good.
The only thing that needs to be done is the cot, we still haven't finished sanding it. We bought the cot from our friend and the colour is white. As you know, i like dark timber colour, so we decided to re-paint it.

Im almost 36 weeks pregnant now and it's getting uncomfortable.
Mainly because the baby is on the right side of my tummy, and he's been pressing against my ribs. It's really hard to sleep at night.
We saw the doctor for weekly appointment this afternoon and he said the head is already down, and he's grown so fast :). Doctor said that the baby would be around 3 to 3.2 kg when he is born, and yes we still go on the c-section plan.

Now all i need to do is have plenty of rest before the baby comes and start packing the hospital bag :)

NURSERY

We've been working on the nursery room for couple of months now. Our house is quite small, with only 3 small bedrooms and 2 bathroom. We had to evacuate Indra's office to the lounge room and use his office for the nursery room instead.
Indra's office is the smallest room and it was very messy, paper and books were everywhere, no one dared to enter that room :P.

It's only less than 4 weeks till the baby arrives, but we have not finished the room yet. It took us months to clean and clear the room. When we finally finished cleaning the room, we had trouble deciding which colour scheme should we use. I wanted olive green initially but somehow we ended up with neutral colour...again!! :)

But i couldn't be happier with the result!! Indra had an idea to paint the vertical stripes on 2 sides of the wall. They make the room looks higher and modern, and they match with the curtain as well :). Now all we need to do is to attach the wall shelf above that chest drawer, we also bought a wall decal for the other wall and we still waiting for it to come. I really hope everything will be finished on time :D

Here is sneak peak to the nursery room:

BABY QUILT

Just wanting to post the picture of the baby quilt. This is my first attempt in making quilt.
It took me months since i had a lot of things to do. Our baby is due in a month time, and i finished this quilt just in time to welcome his arrival :D

37 AND COUNTING

Yes, it's 37 days until we can hold our baby boy...so exciting yet scary.
Time really flies, it seems only yesterday that i found out that i was pregnant..now i am counting the days... :)

Exciting? yes! Scary? definitely!
I never held a newborn before. I am not that good with children, in fact they always cry when i'm around.

We are in the middle of preparing the nursery room, i know it's bit late, we should've done it few months ago, but we had no time. We have moved all Indra's stuff outside and vacuum clean the room, we have painted the wall as well, but we still need to do another layer of paint and with the current wet weather, it takes time.

Oh, and we have bought the pram! This pram is our first choice but because it's the latest model, the price is quite expensive. We were contemplating to get the previous model, since the price difference is $200. Then we came across an online baby shop that sell this pram $200 cheaper, so the price was the same as the old model. The sale only lasted for 2 days so we bought it straight away. We bought the other furniture like cot, bassinet, high chair, changing table from a friend whose moving interstate, we got a great deal too. God is good :)

Indra has been very busy the past few weeks, that's why we kept putting off our nursery room project. Our church is going to have mission trip to Thailand and they are raising fund from people. Indra is participating in this fundraising project as well. Anyone interested in having family photo session, Indra will do 1 photo session for each family and all the proceed goes to the mission trip. Client will get probably around 10 photos with 1 canvas. If you are interested, please visit Photo4Life and make a booking. You will have your family moment captured for a good cause :)

I've been having bad back pain, most probably from the growing tummy. I rarely had good sleep :(
I think i'm going home early today and catching up on my sleep.

Have a great one and stay blessed :)

CARAMEL PUDDING

God reminds us of His grace and goodness in many different forms, it could be through something big or something simple, like caramel pudding :)

My life for the past 1 year has been up and down, like riding a roller coaster. Managing a shop is surely not easy, having a difficult staff, doing account and being pregnant at the same time is tough. On one side, i want to be happy and be able to enjoy the pregnancy but i couldn't because all i do is worry. Everyday feels like a battle, new problem every day.

We try to surrender everything unto God's hand and do what we can but often all the problems are covering our eyes to see what He has done for us.

This afternoon, i bought 2 packets of caramel pudding from Woolies. I finished 1 right after paying at the checkout :P and i decided to keep the other one for Indra. After we had dinner, i said to Indra that i bought him caramel pudding and we ate it together.

While we were eating the pudding, i remember that 8 years ago when we first got together. I was still in Uni and Indra was unemployed. He lived in a small old house, and we didn't have much cash back then. I remember sometimes we walked across the road to the supermarket just to buy broccoli and spam to cook at home, and when we had extra cash Indra would buy 2 packets of caramel pudding for us for dessert. It tasted so nice but it was only a dessert size so i would eat it slowly, knowing that we couldn't afford to buy it every time.

I told Indra how this caramel pudding reminds me of us 8 years ago. While scooping the pudding for me, i could see Indra starring at the pudding for few seconds then he hugged and kissed me saying "Thank you honey for standing by my side this past 8 years". I had a bit of tears in my eyes realising how God has blessed us so much, how He brought us from having caramel pudding as a luxury to having it everyday easily.

We still have our worries and fears, especially with only 52 days left till the baby comes. But you know what, we are sure that God is still in control and He is taking us to the next level just like with our caramel pudding :)

It's a...BOY!

Yes, it's a BOY!

We are expecting another boy due in September :)
It's been a roller coaster ride since i found out that i was pregnant again. Happy, relieved, anxious, excited, worry and everything else. I got so worried every time i got doctor or ultrasound appointment, nervous attacks days before the appointment.
Walking to the same room, meeting the same people make it harder, it's like repeating your worst nightmare. Your bad memories come flashing before you.

There were so many times i woke up in the middle of the night due to nightmares :(
I remember when we went for ultrasound at 15 weeks to check whether the baby has kidney, it was nerve wracking!!
I could feel the heavy burden lifted up from my shoulders when the doctor said that both kidneys are there plus the amniotic fluid was at the right amount.

This afternoon we had the 19 weeks scan, i was very anxious as usual. I was scared that my happiness will ended really soon just like last time. But God gave us good news instead. Everything was great, we checked the fingers, heart, lips, ears, and of course the gender, and yep it's a BOY! We saw his face as well in 3D, he's such a shy baby, he kept covering his face with his hands. We even nudged him couple of times to get him move but his hands are still there :) :). He's so beautiful.

The next step is finding the name, which i think it's harder than finding girl's name. And i can finish my quilt now, i started making baby quilt few months ago, but have not finished it because the colour of the binding depends on the gender :)

We thank God for this second chance, we know that He has prepared the best plan ahead of us, someday, we will be able to look back and see that His plan is perfect and beautiful.

*Baby Em...you have a little brother, i love u always :)*

Photo 4 Life

It's been a long time since i last posted an entry, i miss writing a blog even though i'm not really good at it :P.
Sometimes you have a lot to tell, but your body and mind is just exhausted, you don't know how to start writing and that's what happened to me most of the time.

Today is a public holiday, so i have time to clean the house and update my blog. I was thinking for a while what should i write, then i noticed that few people started their own photography business and they usually either in a team or they at least have a partner to help with their work. I feel bad that i can't help much with Indra's photography business, i wish that i have the time, energy and ideas of course to do some of his work. He is doing everything on his own while still working full time as an IT Manager, from marketing, pricing, shooting, album making etc. I am so proud of him and his works, i think his photos are original and beautiful. I always encourage him to create his own style not following others, and so far he's been doing it so well.

So, this is the very least that i can do for him, i might not have a lot of reader, but who knows... :)
Again, i would like to post some his latest works. If you are looking for a wedding, engagement, family, baby or even product photographer, please check his blog and website. Feel free to email us and we will try our best to tailor package that suits your budget :).
















www.photo4life.com.au
www.photo4life.com.au/blog

THE RAGMAN

" I saw a strange sight. I stumbled upon a story most strange, like nothing my life, my street sense, my sly tongue had ever prepared me for. Hush child. Hush now, and i will tell it to you.

Even before the dawn one Friday morning, i noticed a young man, handsome and strong, walking the alleys of our city. He was pulling an old cart filled with clothes both bright and new, and he was calling in a clear, tenor voice: 'Rags!' Ah the air was foul and the first light filthy to be crossed by such sweet music.
'Rags! New rags for old! I take your tired rags! Rags!'
'Now, this is a wonder' i thought to myself, for the man stood tall and his arms were like tree limbs, hard and muscular, and his eyes flashed intelligence. Could he find no better job than this, to be a ragman in the inner city?
I followed him. My curiosity drove me. And i wasn't disappointed.

Soon the ragman saw a woman sitting on her back porch. She was sobbing into a handkerchief, sighing and shedding a thousand tears. Her knees and elbows made a sad X. Her shoulders shook. Her heart was breaking.
The ragman stopped his cart. Quietly, he walked to the woman, stepping round tin cans and dead toys.
'Give me your rags' he said so gently, 'and i'll give you another'
He slipped the handkerchief from her eyes. She looked up, and he laid across her palm a linen cloth so clean and new that it shone . She blinked from the gift to the giver.
Then, as he began to pull his cart again, the ragman did a strange thing, he put her stained handkerchief to his own face and then he began to weep, to sob as grievously as she had done, his shoulders shaking. Yet she was left without tear.

'This is a wonder' I breathed to myself, and i followed the sobbing ragman like a child who cannot turn away from mystery.

'Rags! Rags! New rags for old!' In a little while, when the sky showed grey behind the rooftops and i could see the shredded curtains hanging out of the black windows, the ragman came upon a girl whose head was wrapped in a bandage, whose eyes were empty. Blood soaked her bandage. A single line of blood ran down her cheek.
Now the tall ragman looked upon this child with pity, and he drew a lovely yellow bonnet from his cart.
'Give me your rag' he said, tracing his own line on her cheek, 'and i'll give you mine'
The child could only gaze at him while he loosened the bandage, removed it, and tied it to his own head. The bonnet he set on hers. And i gasped at what i saw, for with the bandage went the wound! Against his brow it ran darker, more substantial blood-his own!

'Rags! Rags! I take old rags!' cried the sobbing, bleeding, strong, intelligent ragman.
The sun hurt both the sky, now, and my eyes, the ragman seemed more and more to hurry.

'Are you going to work?' he asked a man who leaned against a telephone pole. The man shook his head.
The ragman pressed him, 'Do you have a job?'
'Are you crazy?! sneered the other. He pulled away from the pole, revealing the right sleeve of his jacket-flat, the cuff stuffed into the pocket. He had no arm.
'So,' said the ragman. 'Give me your jacket, and i'll give you mine'
Such quiet authority in his voice! The one-armed man took off his jacket. So did the ragman - and i trembled at what i saw, for the ragman's arm stayed in its sleeve, and when the other put it on he had two good arms, thick as tree limbs, but the ragman had only one.
'Go to work' he said.

After that he found a drunk, lying unconscious beneath an army blanket, and old man, hunched, wizened and sick. He took that blanket and wrapped it round himself, but for the drunk, he left new clothes.

And now i had to run to keep up with the ragman. Though he was weeping uncontrollably, and bleeding freely at the forehead, pulling his cart with one arm, stumbling for drunkenness, falling again and again, exhausted, old, old and sick, yet he went with terrible speed. On spider's legs, he skittered through the alleys of the city, this mile and the next until he came to its limits, and then he rushed beyond.
I wept to see the change in this man, I hurt to see his sorrow. And yet i needed to see where he was going in such haste, perhaps to know what drove him so.

The little old ragman - he came to a landfill. He came to the garbage pits. And then i wanted to help him in what he did, but i hung back, hiding. He climbed a hill, with tormented labour, he pillowed his head on a handkerchief and a jacket. He covered his bones with an army blanket, And he died.
Oh, how i cried to witness that death! I slumped in a junked car, and wailed and mourned as one who has no hope - because i had come to love the ragman. Every other face had faded in the wonder of this man, and i cherished him, but he died. I sobbed myself to sleep.

I did not know, how could i know? that i slept through Friday night and Saturday and its night too.
But then, on Sunday morning, i was wakened by a violence.
Light-pure, hard, demanding light, slammed against my sour face and i blinked, and i looked, and i saw the last and the first wonder of all. There was the ragman, folding the blanket most carefully, a scar on his forehead, but alive! And besides that-healthy! There was no sign now of age, and all the rags that he had gathered shone with cleanliness.

Well, then i lowered my head and trembling for all that i had seen, i myself walked up to the ragman. I told him my name with shame, for i was a sorry figure next to him. Then i took off all my clothes in that place, and i said to him with dear yearning in my voice 'Dress me!'
He dressed me. My Lord, he put new rags on me, and i am a wonder beside him. The ragman, the ragman, the Christ!"

Story by Walter Wangerin, taken from '100 Wisdom Stories Around The World'