PangTama Blogspot

BOOK

2011-08-27T07:48:00.000-07:00

Here is a little experiment done by my husband at Photo4Life and i.
It's amazing what you can do with technology these days :D

6 MONTHS

2011-03-16T04:09:00.000-07:00

Yeay, Olie is 6 months old! time does flies.
It seems only yesterday i held him the first time.
Olie is almost crawling and one tooth is sticking out :), his temperature was a bit high for 2 days but he wasn't cranky at all, but he drools all over the place, i guess im lucky :)
He is having cough and runny nose right now, but even then, he is still good and easy.
Anyway, here is his monthly photo:

Missing you still..

2011-02-13T03:24:00.000-08:00

Today is Feb 13th. Yes, it is the 2nd anniversary of Emmanuel's passing.
It has been 2 years, but it never got easier.

Everything went normal today, but i've been feeling sad all day.

It's still very clear in my head of what happened 2 years ago. I was in labour and fighting for 24 hours.
I broke down in tears when my eyes caught Em's memories box while changing Ollie.
It's a simple blue box with my entire life in it. All i have left of Em are in that box.

I was so tempted to grab it and opened it to see his tiny clothes, his mini teddy bear, his hat, his photos, but it was probably not a good idea. As i am writing this, i am contemplating maybe i should sit in my room with Em's box. I feel like a bad mom if i don't do it but it is so hard for me :'(

"Baby Em, i miss you every single day... having you in my arms even for a short time is something that i really treasure in my life. I really hope you know how much i want to kiss and hug you. I know Jesus is holding you in heaven, so you are in the best place possible. Mommy can't wait to see you again, and when that time comes, i will give you the biggest kiss and hug..i love you"

5 MONTHS

2011-01-22T01:12:00.000-08:00

Oliver is 5 months old on 20 Jan! Time flies hey, it seems only yesterday he was born, now he can roll over and eats solid :)

I've been tremendously blessed with Oliver, he is a very good boy *sounds bias i know*
My mom said that im lucky that Oli has Indra's personality, very easy going and kind. Unlike me, i was very difficult when i was a baby, mom said that she had to carry and rock me for hours, she couldnt even sit for a while.

When Oliver was 3.5 months, he started to sleep longer during the night. He slept for 5-6 hours straight and only woke up once or twice.
We tried our best not to carry or rock him to sleep, unless he was cranky. We always put him on his cot, wrapped, 2 bolsters on his side and a dummy, and he would fall asleep by himself.
The last few days, he's been sleeping for 9 hours straight! He woke up in the morning around 6 for a feed and fell back to sleep until 9am *heaven*
Few people told us that we are lucky to have him :)

Anyway, let's stop boasting about Olie, i'm sure every parents feel the same way about their babies :). Here is Olie at 5 months:

BABY CHLOE

2011-01-17T04:49:00.001-08:00

My good friend delivered her baby girl on boxing day, she is a miracle baby! my friend and i have gone through similar situation in our lives and im truly happy for her that she finally got to hold baby Chloe in her arms :)

Before Chloe was born, i always wanted to make a baby quilt for her, just like the one i made for Olie. But after Olie was born, i didnt have time to do my routines let alone making blanket. But Chloe is so special, i forced myself to start the quilt. It took 2-3 weeks for the fabric to arrived and i booked one day to finish the quilt. I begged Indra to look after Oli that day :)
I always had yellow and purple in my mind, but i couldnt find the purple so i ended up making yellow-pink combination quilt.

Here you go:

OLIVER'S MONTHLY PHOTOS

2011-01-17T04:40:00.000-08:00

Motherhood is surely not easy, but it's been so rewarding when your baby smiles at you.
Last time i posted an entry was almost 5 months ago and after that, my life is full with Oliver :)
Anyway, i promised myself last time to take Oliver's monthly photo, so far i did it well, i just dont have the time to upload them.
So here they are, month 2 to 4:

And yes, he looks more like me every day :)

1 MONTH OLD

2010-09-30T05:10:00.000-07:00

In our family, we have a tradition of shaving baby's hair when they are 30 days old. Back in Indonesia, the family usually sends out red dyed eggs to relatives and friends, but over here in Australia, i cant afford sending out 30 eggs to each person! so, i ordered cupcakes instead :)

Ollie has been good so far, he drinks a lot and i think he gained quite a lot too. He also managed to sleep longer at night, not every night yet, but hopefully it will very soon :P. My mom is here until the end of October so i got a lot of help in term of washing, cooking, cleaning even carrying Ollie. It's normal for my mom to be so excited over Ollie as he is her first grandchild, she would carry Ollie all the time, pick him up over small things, and now i have to rock him to sleep. Im trying to tell her not to rock him too much, but i guess she just loves him too much :D

Anyway, here is Ollie's 1 month photo, i will try my best to take his monthly photo.

FATHER'S DAY

2010-09-05T19:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was father's day in Australia. It was really special for Indra as it was his first ever father's day :)
We went to church yesterday and Indra came up to the front when they prayed for all the dads, it was so special.

I remember the day before but i just didnt have time to prepare anything for Indra. The only thing i said was 'thank you'.
I cant thank him enough for all his love, he always support me in whatever i do and encourage me to try and do the things i passionate about. We've been through a lot for the past 8 years, but nothing compare to the last 2 weeks with baby Olie around.
I never knew that taking care a baby would be this joyful and tough at the same time. The change is HUGE, sometimes i got overwhelmed.

I couldnt asked for a better life companion than Indra. He is willing to wake up to change the nappy and warm the milk for Olie every night. When i got so sleepy and tired, he would do everything and let me sleep, eventhough he needs to wake up in the morning to go to work.
He's been juggling a lot of work lately, besides his full time job, he helps me with the shop and on the weekend, he does his photography job for the whole day and he would still be willing to help me with Olie at night. Sometimes i feel sad looking at him tired and sleepy in the morning, i would call him to make sure that he arrives safely. I don't know where he got that much energy to do all these things, but im sure God has been giving him extra strength.

I read in the daily devotional this morning, a question "Have you ever found yourself receiving such exceeding favor that you wonder why?". For me, having Indra as my husband and the father of my son is God's exceeding favor upon my life, God is lavishing His grace on me.

I cant thank Him enough for giving me such a wonderful husband and life companion.

'Happy Father's day honey..."

OLIVER QUINN PRATAMA

2010-08-27T23:52:00.000-07:00

Finally..we are holding our boy!!
It's been a week since he was born last Friday on 20th August at 7.59am.
We stayed at the hospital for 6 days, we tried to make the most out of it :)

It was such a mixed feeling when Indra and i were driving to the hospital on Friday morning. We realised at that moment that we will go back from the hospital bringing the baby. It's no longer 2 but 3!
We arrived at 6am and i was the first on the operation list. As much as i tried to prepare myself, i was so nervous, sitting on the hospital bed waiting for the nurses and doctors to come.
Then a nurse came and prepare me for the operation, i changed into operation gown and they brought me to the theatre. Indra was with me all the time.

Somehow, operation theatre is always cold and freezing, not sure because of i was so nervous or what. I remember Indra held my hand when the doctor injected the spinal block on my spine, that was painful!
The operation only lasted for 30 minutes, they managed to take out the baby in probably 20 minutes. I heard baby Ollie screamed so loud the moment doctor pulled him out. I cant describe my feeling at that time, so weird that the baby is mine. I never thought that i would be able to have one, my own. Soon after that they showed me the baby, and he was still purple and blue and swollen :P.

When they finished cleaning baby Ollie, they put him in my arm, and he kept crying so loud. I didn't know what to do so i just hold him. The next 6 days at the hospital was a whole new experience and learning curve. We learnt how to care for a baby from zero. Holding, breast feeding, changing nappies, bathing, we also learnt how not to have enough sleep every night :)
Baby Ollie is well behave, he sleeps quick and not easily distracted by noise, the only thing is he cries very very loud.

Now i rarely have time for myself, because whenever Ollie sleeps, that's my time to sleep too. I really made an effort to write this entry. So that's it for now, have to check on Ollie again :)

2

2010-08-18T01:42:00.000-07:00

2 days to go!!! Woohoo!!
I cant wait to see our baby boy, wondering is he going to look like me or Indra :)
We did not take more scan after the 20 week, so we have no idea.
There are some private places that do independent 4D scan without doctor referral, but we decided not to take one.
We want to have a bit of surprise i guess :)

It's getting harder to sleep, apart from the ribs pain, i've been having heart burns and braxton hicks during the night.
I think that's how nature prepare our bodies to welcome the newborn, yes, sleepless nights.
I really hope i've got everything ready though. I have no idea what's important to buy or things that can wait.

I only have 2 days left before the baby comes, i really want to use these 2 days to prepare myself in welcoming the baby, and more importantly facing the biggest change in my life. There are a lot of things that needs to be done at the shop, but i try not to think about it now. The most important thing in my life now is the baby. I have to focus on how to be a godly mother for my son, preparing not only financial support for him but more importantly emotional support. I've heard stories about baby blues syndrome, and it is very possible to happen to some women who used to full time work and independent, suddenly they have to stay at home and not as flexible as before. Knowing that i might be a possible candidate for that syndrome, i've been trying to change they way i think. Things WILL change and i HAVE to be able to accept it.

Okay, now sleepiness is striking again, better have as much sleep as i can before Friday :p

7

2010-08-13T00:22:00.001-07:00

Yes, today is Friday the 13th, exactly a week before the c-section procedure.
By this time next week, i will be able to hold and see his face after 9 months of waiting.

I've been having trouble sleeping for the last few days, as the baby is on my right side and getting bigger, it's painful for me to lay flat on the bed. I felt my ribs being pushed down.
Indra had to re-arrange pillows before sleep so that i would be able to sleep in an upright position. It helps me a lot, but when i woke up in the morning, my back would suffer from the position. That's ok, only 7 days to go :)

I've been having weird dreams too lately. Well, research says it's common to have dreams during the last stage of pregnancy. It's probably from the excitement welcoming the baby. My dreams have been so real, they didn't feel like a dream but more of a memories.

Despite of the circumstances and situation surrounding our lives now, i'm so grateful for everything. Having a baby is not going to be easy and cheap. But we know God will meet our needs. I am thankful that i have my sister here, she is 7 years younger than me, she's been helping me with the shop and more to that, she's really great with kids and babies. She knows exactly how to handle and take care of them. While i have no clue at all :P

Nursery is almost done, just needs to finish the cot. But anyway we're not going to use the cot for the first few months. The baby will sleep in bassinet in our room. I have also packed my hospital bag, gosh time flies so fast.
I will post a finished photo of the nursery room, i cant upload it now as i have put his name all over the room :P
I really hope that we can access the internet at the hospital so i can upload his photo as soon as he arrives.

Pray for us so that everything will go smoothly :)

11

2010-08-09T06:17:00.000-07:00

It's getting closer and i cant believe by Friday next week, we will be able to see our baby boy :D
What a long 9 months. Here is the latest photo of me with the bump :)

18

2010-08-02T04:26:00.000-07:00

It's the 2nd of August today, it means 18 days to go before we can hold our baby boy :)
Gosh, time flies really fast..

Nursery is almost finished, we've put up the shelf and chest drawer. The wall decal has arrived this afternoon and we plan to stick it up tonight :). Hopefully it turns out good.
The only thing that needs to be done is the cot, we still haven't finished sanding it. We bought the cot from our friend and the colour is white. As you know, i like dark timber colour, so we decided to re-paint it.

Im almost 36 weeks pregnant now and it's getting uncomfortable.
Mainly because the baby is on the right side of my tummy, and he's been pressing against my ribs. It's really hard to sleep at night.
We saw the doctor for weekly appointment this afternoon and he said the head is already down, and he's grown so fast :). Doctor said that the baby would be around 3 to 3.2 kg when he is born, and yes we still go on the c-section plan.

Now all i need to do is have plenty of rest before the baby comes and start packing the hospital bag :)

NURSERY

2010-07-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

We've been working on the nursery room for couple of months now. Our house is quite small, with only 3 small bedrooms and 2 bathroom. We had to evacuate Indra's office to the lounge room and use his office for the nursery room instead.
Indra's office is the smallest room and it was very messy, paper and books were everywhere, no one dared to enter that room :P.

It's only less than 4 weeks till the baby arrives, but we have not finished the room yet. It took us months to clean and clear the room. When we finally finished cleaning the room, we had trouble deciding which colour scheme should we use. I wanted olive green initially but somehow we ended up with neutral colour...again!! :)

But i couldn't be happier with the result!! Indra had an idea to paint the vertical stripes on 2 sides of the wall. They make the room looks higher and modern, and they match with the curtain as well :). Now all we need to do is to attach the wall shelf above that chest drawer, we also bought a wall decal for the other wall and we still waiting for it to come. I really hope everything will be finished on time :D

Here is sneak peak to the nursery room:

BABY QUILT

2010-07-22T06:27:00.000-07:00

Just wanting to post the picture of the baby quilt. This is my first attempt in making quilt.
It took me months since i had a lot of things to do. Our baby is due in a month time, and i finished this quilt just in time to welcome his arrival :D

37 AND COUNTING

2010-07-13T21:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's 37 days until we can hold our baby boy...so exciting yet scary.
Time really flies, it seems only yesterday that i found out that i was pregnant..now i am counting the days... :)

Exciting? yes! Scary? definitely!
I never held a newborn before. I am not that good with children, in fact they always cry when i'm around.

We are in the middle of preparing the nursery room, i know it's bit late, we should've done it few months ago, but we had no time. We have moved all Indra's stuff outside and vacuum clean the room, we have painted the wall as well, but we still need to do another layer of paint and with the current wet weather, it takes time.

Oh, and we have bought the pram! This pram is our first choice but because it's the latest model, the price is quite expensive. We were contemplating to get the previous model, since the price difference is $200. Then we came across an online baby shop that sell this pram $200 cheaper, so the price was the same as the old model. The sale only lasted for 2 days so we bought it straight away. We bought the other furniture like cot, bassinet, high chair, changing table from a friend whose moving interstate, we got a great deal too. God is good :)

Indra has been very busy the past few weeks, that's why we kept putting off our nursery room project. Our church is going to have mission trip to Thailand and they are raising fund from people. Indra is participating in this fundraising project as well. Anyone interested in having family photo session, Indra will do 1 photo session for each family and all the proceed goes to the mission trip. Client will get probably around 10 photos with 1 canvas. If you are interested, please visit Photo4Life and make a booking. You will have your family moment captured for a good cause :)

I've been having bad back pain, most probably from the growing tummy. I rarely had good sleep :(
I think i'm going home early today and catching up on my sleep.

Have a great one and stay blessed :)

CARAMEL PUDDING

2010-06-29T08:17:00.001-07:00

God reminds us of His grace and goodness in many different forms, it could be through something big or something simple, like caramel pudding :)

My life for the past 1 year has been up and down, like riding a roller coaster. Managing a shop is surely not easy, having a difficult staff, doing account and being pregnant at the same time is tough. On one side, i want to be happy and be able to enjoy the pregnancy but i couldn't because all i do is worry. Everyday feels like a battle, new problem every day.

We try to surrender everything unto God's hand and do what we can but often all the problems are covering our eyes to see what He has done for us.

This afternoon, i bought 2 packets of caramel pudding from Woolies. I finished 1 right after paying at the checkout :P and i decided to keep the other one for Indra. After we had dinner, i said to Indra that i bought him caramel pudding and we ate it together.

While we were eating the pudding, i remember that 8 years ago when we first got together. I was still in Uni and Indra was unemployed. He lived in a small old house, and we didn't have much cash back then. I remember sometimes we walked across the road to the supermarket just to buy broccoli and spam to cook at home, and when we had extra cash Indra would buy 2 packets of caramel pudding for us for dessert. It tasted so nice but it was only a dessert size so i would eat it slowly, knowing that we couldn't afford to buy it every time.

I told Indra how this caramel pudding reminds me of us 8 years ago. While scooping the pudding for me, i could see Indra starring at the pudding for few seconds then he hugged and kissed me saying "Thank you honey for standing by my side this past 8 years". I had a bit of tears in my eyes realising how God has blessed us so much, how He brought us from having caramel pudding as a luxury to having it everyday easily.

We still have our worries and fears, especially with only 52 days left till the baby comes. But you know what, we are sure that God is still in control and He is taking us to the next level just like with our caramel pudding :)

It's a...BOY!

2010-04-08T04:38:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's a BOY!

We are expecting another boy due in September :)
It's been a roller coaster ride since i found out that i was pregnant again. Happy, relieved, anxious, excited, worry and everything else. I got so worried every time i got doctor or ultrasound appointment, nervous attacks days before the appointment.
Walking to the same room, meeting the same people make it harder, it's like repeating your worst nightmare. Your bad memories come flashing before you.

There were so many times i woke up in the middle of the night due to nightmares :(
I remember when we went for ultrasound at 15 weeks to check whether the baby has kidney, it was nerve wracking!!
I could feel the heavy burden lifted up from my shoulders when the doctor said that both kidneys are there plus the amniotic fluid was at the right amount.

This afternoon we had the 19 weeks scan, i was very anxious as usual. I was scared that my happiness will ended really soon just like last time. But God gave us good news instead. Everything was great, we checked the fingers, heart, lips, ears, and of course the gender, and yep it's a BOY! We saw his face as well in 3D, he's such a shy baby, he kept covering his face with his hands. We even nudged him couple of times to get him move but his hands are still there :) :). He's so beautiful.

The next step is finding the name, which i think it's harder than finding girl's name. And i can finish my quilt now, i started making baby quilt few months ago, but have not finished it because the colour of the binding depends on the gender :)

We thank God for this second chance, we know that He has prepared the best plan ahead of us, someday, we will be able to look back and see that His plan is perfect and beautiful.

*Baby Em...you have a little brother, i love u always :)*

Photo 4 Life

2010-04-04T21:24:00.001-07:00

It's been a long time since i last posted an entry, i miss writing a blog even though i'm not really good at it :P.
Sometimes you have a lot to tell, but your body and mind is just exhausted, you don't know how to start writing and that's what happened to me most of the time.

Today is a public holiday, so i have time to clean the house and update my blog. I was thinking for a while what should i write, then i noticed that few people started their own photography business and they usually either in a team or they at least have a partner to help with their work. I feel bad that i can't help much with Indra's photography business, i wish that i have the time, energy and ideas of course to do some of his work. He is doing everything on his own while still working full time as an IT Manager, from marketing, pricing, shooting, album making etc. I am so proud of him and his works, i think his photos are original and beautiful. I always encourage him to create his own style not following others, and so far he's been doing it so well.

So, this is the very least that i can do for him, i might not have a lot of reader, but who knows... :)
Again, i would like to post some his latest works. If you are looking for a wedding, engagement, family, baby or even product photographer, please check his blog and website. Feel free to email us and we will try our best to tailor package that suits your budget :).

www.photo4life.com.au
www.photo4life.com.au/blog

THE RAGMAN

2010-02-17T05:55:00.000-08:00

" I saw a strange sight. I stumbled upon a story most strange, like nothing my life, my street sense, my sly tongue had ever prepared me for. Hush child. Hush now, and i will tell it to you.

Even before the dawn one Friday morning, i noticed a young man, handsome and strong, walking the alleys of our city. He was pulling an old cart filled with clothes both bright and new, and he was calling in a clear, tenor voice: 'Rags!' Ah the air was foul and the first light filthy to be crossed by such sweet music.
'Rags! New rags for old! I take your tired rags! Rags!'
'Now, this is a wonder' i thought to myself, for the man stood tall and his arms were like tree limbs, hard and muscular, and his eyes flashed intelligence. Could he find no better job than this, to be a ragman in the inner city?
I followed him. My curiosity drove me. And i wasn't disappointed.

Soon the ragman saw a woman sitting on her back porch. She was sobbing into a handkerchief, sighing and shedding a thousand tears. Her knees and elbows made a sad X. Her shoulders shook. Her heart was breaking.
The ragman stopped his cart. Quietly, he walked to the woman, stepping round tin cans and dead toys.
'Give me your rags' he said so gently, 'and i'll give you another'
He slipped the handkerchief from her eyes. She looked up, and he laid across her palm a linen cloth so clean and new that it shone . She blinked from the gift to the giver.
Then, as he began to pull his cart again, the ragman did a strange thing, he put her stained handkerchief to his own face and then he began to weep, to sob as grievously as she had done, his shoulders shaking. Yet she was left without tear.

'This is a wonder' I breathed to myself, and i followed the sobbing ragman like a child who cannot turn away from mystery.

'Rags! Rags! New rags for old!' In a little while, when the sky showed grey behind the rooftops and i could see the shredded curtains hanging out of the black windows, the ragman came upon a girl whose head was wrapped in a bandage, whose eyes were empty. Blood soaked her bandage. A single line of blood ran down her cheek.
Now the tall ragman looked upon this child with pity, and he drew a lovely yellow bonnet from his cart.
'Give me your rag' he said, tracing his own line on her cheek, 'and i'll give you mine'
The child could only gaze at him while he loosened the bandage, removed it, and tied it to his own head. The bonnet he set on hers. And i gasped at what i saw, for with the bandage went the wound! Against his brow it ran darker, more substantial blood-his own!

'Rags! Rags! I take old rags!' cried the sobbing, bleeding, strong, intelligent ragman.
The sun hurt both the sky, now, and my eyes, the ragman seemed more and more to hurry.

'Are you going to work?' he asked a man who leaned against a telephone pole. The man shook his head.
The ragman pressed him, 'Do you have a job?'
'Are you crazy?! sneered the other. He pulled away from the pole, revealing the right sleeve of his jacket-flat, the cuff stuffed into the pocket. He had no arm.
'So,' said the ragman. 'Give me your jacket, and i'll give you mine'
Such quiet authority in his voice! The one-armed man took off his jacket. So did the ragman - and i trembled at what i saw, for the ragman's arm stayed in its sleeve, and when the other put it on he had two good arms, thick as tree limbs, but the ragman had only one.
'Go to work' he said.

After that he found a drunk, lying unconscious beneath an army blanket, and old man, hunched, wizened and sick. He took that blanket and wrapped it round himself, but for the drunk, he left new clothes.

And now i had to run to keep up with the ragman. Though he was weeping uncontrollably, and bleeding freely at the forehead, pulling his cart with one arm, stumbling for drunkenness, falling again and again, exhausted, old, old and sick, yet he went with terrible speed. On spider's legs, he skittered through the alleys of the city, this mile and the next until he came to its limits, and then he rushed beyond.
I wept to see the change in this man, I hurt to see his sorrow. And yet i needed to see where he was going in such haste, perhaps to know what drove him so.

The little old ragman - he came to a landfill. He came to the garbage pits. And then i wanted to help him in what he did, but i hung back, hiding. He climbed a hill, with tormented labour, he pillowed his head on a handkerchief and a jacket. He covered his bones with an army blanket, And he died.
Oh, how i cried to witness that death! I slumped in a junked car, and wailed and mourned as one who has no hope - because i had come to love the ragman. Every other face had faded in the wonder of this man, and i cherished him, but he died. I sobbed myself to sleep.

I did not know, how could i know? that i slept through Friday night and Saturday and its night too.
But then, on Sunday morning, i was wakened by a violence.
Light-pure, hard, demanding light, slammed against my sour face and i blinked, and i looked, and i saw the last and the first wonder of all. There was the ragman, folding the blanket most carefully, a scar on his forehead, but alive! And besides that-healthy! There was no sign now of age, and all the rags that he had gathered shone with cleanliness.

Well, then i lowered my head and trembling for all that i had seen, i myself walked up to the ragman. I told him my name with shame, for i was a sorry figure next to him. Then i took off all my clothes in that place, and i said to him with dear yearning in my voice 'Dress me!'
He dressed me. My Lord, he put new rags on me, and i am a wonder beside him. The ragman, the ragman, the Christ!"

Story by Walter Wangerin, taken from '100 Wisdom Stories Around The World'

09.09.09

2009-09-09T18:20:00.000-07:00

What a good date huh?

God gave us new project and challenge on that day. After a painful and long process we finally settled the coffee shop. I dont believe in lucky number or in this case date, but it feels good to settle on that unique date. Make it more special :)

We never run a hospitality business before, we need to learn a LOT of new things. We took coffee making course before but it's a very different situation when you are serving 10 people at one time. We are excited but a little bit scared i guess.

This morning we went to the shop for the first time at 5.30am! we didnt do anything apart from checking the stock and the ex owner showing us around where they keep the stuff. We met the staff as well, they are nice guys, im really looking forward to work with them :)

The very basic and important thing that we need to learn is probably how to be a people person. We noticed that the staff talk a lot with the customers, they know them by name, they know exactly what they want to order. It is very challenging for me, as i've been working in the office behind the desk, i do more typing than talking to people. But im glad that we actually jumped into this industry, we all learn new things and i can improve my interpersonal skill as well :)

Oh, and another important thing to learn is HOW TO WAKE UP EARLY, or should i say HOW TO SLEEP EARLY. Last night i tried to sleep around 9.30, man it was hard. My brain was still thinking this and that, i just couldnt sleep. It took me probably 30-45 mins to sleep. But hopefully with this new routine, i will have a better daily schedule. I must admit that i never have enough sleep during weekdays, for some reason, i cant sleep before 11pm at night. So my sleeping time is only 5-6 hours every night.

We can't thank God enough for this opportunity. Everything is good in His time :)
Indra's photo business is starting to get more and more clients, and i do enjoy following him for the photo shoot, i think it's really fun!

I will post more updates on the shop soon, hopefully with some pictures :)

PRETTY FLOWERS

2009-08-05T22:57:00.000-07:00

I love taking pictures of an object rather than scenery or people. I dont really like flowers and i dont even know their names, but they are pleasing to my eyes and soothe my heavy heart.

FAITH, HOPE, LOVE

2009-07-29T20:45:00.000-07:00

I used this quote from the Bible "Faith, Hope, Love..and the greatest is Love" in our wedding invitation 2 years ago. Never thought that this quote would help me a lot during tough times. This posting relates to my previous posting "A Simple act of Love".

As you all know, i have moved on, but as a human being sometimes i still feel sad and down everytime i remember my son. It is not something that you can get it over in a night. I am still experiencing emotional rollercoaster now and then.

Last time i felt down, one of my church friends asked me if im ok. So i shared a little bit of my feeling. To be honest with you, i do feel angry toward God sometimes, i feel that He's been unfair to me, i feel abandoned by God, but I know God loves me for who i am and i truly believe that He has planned something bigger for me. Then this friend started to hit me back with what i've done wrong and what i should've done. I was shocked!
If you are speaking with someone who is grieving, would you bring up matters that hurts them the most? Would you try to point out their mistakes and telling them that these are the consequences? and giving them the idealistic speeches over what is wrong and what is right? Who are we to judge?

I told Indra what happened, and he was very upset as well. But he mentioned this quote to me, and it helps me a lot. He said "Faith, Hope, Love...and the greatest is Love", what's the point of having so much Faith but you dont have Love? The bible itself said that the greatest is Love. GOD is LOVE. If you can speak in tongue but you dont have Love, you'll only be noisy to God. It is very simple, Christianity is simple, LOVE, LOVE, and LOVE. Yet this LOVE often missing because of IDEALISTIC, HYPOCRISY and SELF RIGHTEOUS.

But i thank God for showing me these people, i promised that i will not let myself down again, and most importantly, not to act like them. It really helped me to stand on my feet again and continue my journey with Jesus, the true LOVE.

22.07.2009

2009-07-21T21:31:00.000-07:00

No matter how often you send me messages,
I wouldnt be able to read them.
No matter how many times you say you love me,
I wouldnt be here to hear them.
Even if you call my phone a thousand times
I wouldnt be here to answer it.
And when that happen, you'd wish you can turn back time, just to spend a moment with me, but it's all too late.

SAD SAD NEWS

2009-07-13T22:35:00.000-07:00

We were shocked yesterday morning by a really devastating news.
One of our church friends passed away yesterday morning, and she was 7 months pregnant with her first child. They managed to delivered the baby and the baby is doing well at the moment. Why are we shocked? because she was probably the fittest among all women in the church and she was only 29 yrs old! She was still teaching Sunday school last Sunday and now she is gone :(.

I believe she had lived her life to the fullest and now is in the loving arms of Jesus. But I'm sure this is going to be a super tough journey for her husband and the baby. I really pray for extra strength and comfort for them. For someone who has experienced a loss as well, my heart is broken to hear such a news. I know his loss is far worse than mine, but hey, no matter how big or small, a loss is still a loss.
Now i understand that the sense of loss will never go away, you can only cope better i guess. The memories will still be there no matter how many years have passed.

I hope and pray that he will keep hanging unto Jesus. It's true what my pastor's said "It is better to have disappointment with God than disappointment without God". The principle of "God has a greater purpose in all of these" might be hard to grab at times like this. Just like when i lost my son, it was almost impossible to see and hang on to God's promise. What good things could possibly come out of this? i asked that myself. All i felt was anger and desperation, desperation of an answer.

As we are moving on, God reveals his purpose one by one and when we look back someday, our eyes will be opened to His grand and awesome plan. Just believe that His plan is perfect, so we don't need to worry that our lives will fail.

This sad sad news is a HUGE wake up call for all of us. Sometimes we take people whom we love for granted, we always delay what we want to say to them or we forgot to say sorry for what we've done. We never know God's timing, it could be next year, next month, next week, tomorrow, today, or even this very second while I'm typing this entry. Throw as much love as possible to the people you love while you still have the chance and be thankful for each morning that you have when you wake up.

Bel, i know that we didn't have much chance to talk and know each other more, but i know that you were a great woman of God, a great wife and mom. I believe that you are in the better place with Jesus. So sad that you didn't have a chance to take care of your son, neither did i. If you see Em in heaven, please give him a HUGE kiss from me :). Someday, we will meet again there and serve Him together as we did here

THE CLIMB

2009-07-05T03:49:00.001-07:00

This morning at church, they played my testimony video after the sermon. The sermon was about "Grow Your Faith", and one of them is through tragedy.

I was very nervous, especially about my english :P. I did write the things that i wanted to share but i didn't read during the recording, because it looked a lot difference if i read, and it doesn't look natural. So, i wasn't too emotional during the recording because i focused on my words and sentences. And i don't like seeing or hearing myself in the recording, so i was a bit embarrassed when they started to play the video, but it turned out good. I really hope that my story can touch people's hearts and be a blessing for those who are experiencing the similar situation.

We recorded the video on Wednesday night, before that, i wasn't feeling too well on that afternoon. I felt down and stuck, i wasn't up to the task. But on the way home from work, i heard this song on the radio, it's not a Christian song, but the words hit me and lifted up my spirit. The song is 'The Climb' by Miley Cyrus, here is the lyrics:

The Climb lyrics
Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Yup, there's always gonna be another mountain of problems in the future and I'm always gonna make it move. Because it's not about how fast i get there or what's waiting on the other side but it's the climb that matters.

GREAT COUPLE

2009-06-23T10:39:00.000-07:00

Few teasers from the last photo session :

We had a lot of great shots and we just cant wait to share them with you :)

LANCELIN PHOTO SHOOT

2009-06-22T22:00:00.000-07:00

2 days ago we went to Lancelin for Bobby & Vonny's photo session.
We've never done a photo session in Lancelin before, we were so excited because Lancelin has this awesome sand dunes and beach. The forecast was clearing shower for Lancelin, but we still going in a good spirit :). Lancelin is located north of Perth, so usually the temperature is a little bit hotter than Perth, but not that day. It was windy and freezing, especially on top of high sand dune.

This couple is the most positive people I've known. Usually I'm the one whose so worried with the weather. During few photo sessions, even with bad weather forecast, they always have good spirit on them. They are so relaxed and fun. It makes everything easier :)

I couldn't upload the preview here because they want to make it exclusive, which i agreed. So, instead i will upload our own photos in Lancelin. Oh btw, Meli did the make up and she's good at it. So next time, if anyone needs make up for photo session, i will bring her with me :P

If you see on the first photo, Indra actually sat on the edge of the sand dune, and it's around 3 storeys high i think. The black dots below Indra are actually bushes and trees, so yeah it was pretty high :). The view from the top was gorgeous!!

Nothing made me happier than looking at Indra passionately doing his job, he is doing a lot of work right now. After he comes home from his full time job, he would do the photo editing until late at night. It's true that good results come out from true passion.

So again, another promotion :), if you need any photography services whether it's for wedding, engagement, family or product, please feel free to contact us and dont forget to visit our website Photo4Life. Especially for couples from overseas (Indonesia and surrounding), you will save quite a bit of money as you dont have to pay for the photographer's airfare and accommodation :)

A SIMPLE ACT OF LOVE

2009-06-18T00:23:00.001-07:00

I'm writing this because i have nothing to do at the office :P
I hope my boss and colleagues don't read my blog hehe, it'll be short one, i promise..

I remember few months ago, when we went through a terrible ordeal, it was very painful and horrible. We had to make a very very tough and heart breaking decision, and there was no option for us, not even a slim chance. Our decision might not be the best or the most correct one if you look at the bible and i believe some people were questioning our faith in God too. We had a lot of pros and cons in our circle of friends. We were fully aware of this, but the situation was not as easy as everyone thought. If only there was a slim, a very slim chance, i think i would choose a different decision, but that's not what happened.

It was hard enough for us to know that our decision wasn't the most correct one. All we needed at that time was support, compassion, empathy, and understanding from our surrounding. Looking back on how our friends gave us all that, we realised that sometimes the most important thing is not about right or wrong, but just being there for them and give them love and support as much as they need it. To be honest, some people did try to force the most idealistic and the most correct theories to us. Saying that we shouldn't do this and that without considering our feeling and situation. I didn't hate them, i knew that every one of us has different opinion and believe. We took all suggestions as an input, we appreciated them and thank them. But deep down in our hearts, we felt sad for them. We felt sad because they uphold their believe and theories so high that they forgot about love and compassion, which i think is the very essence of Christianity.

From this experience, we learnt to have more love and compassion toward others. We learn not to judge others decision easily. We may know what's the right and wrong thing to do, but we must remember that we are NOT in their shoes. No matter how hard you try to imagine the situation on yourself, it will not be the same. You will not experience the sadness and the loss, you will not feel the big hole in your heart, you will not feel the pain every time you see babies around you. I promised myself that i wont let others think that Christians are a bunch of hypocrite people who can only talk and cite bible verses without knowing how to give love and compassion. Would you rather be known as a walking bible Christian or just a simple Christian with love, compassion and understanding? which one do you think people will be likely to open their hearts to?

ROME & ITALY

2009-06-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

2 nights ago, Indra, Rey and me watched 'Angels and Demons' in the cinema. To be honest i have read the book long long time ago, probably 3-4 yrs ago, and i totally forgot what it was about. So i was so excited to watch the movie, plus most of the people give good review on this. I watched DaVinci Code as well, and it was boring i almost fell asleep.

So we went into the cinema armed with extra large popcorn and water. Me and Indra never been able to finish the large popcorn by ourselves, so i thought there is no way we could finish this one, it would end up in rubbish bin. But guess what, we finished it!

The story mainly filmed in Rome and Italy. When i went to Europe with Indra, it was the first time i knew that Rome is a separate country in the middle of Italy, interesting. Watching this movie reminds us a lot about Rome and Italy, and believe me it's so beautiful there :). The movie took us inside St.Peter Basilica, the biggest and the most beautiful church in the world. When we were there, we simply stunned by the arts and the architectural of the building. It was built hundreds years ago, when there was no tools or machinery to cut the stone, yet they produced the best result. If you look at the ceiling of St.Peter's dome. It is full of tiny ornaments and sculptures, there is no empty space without painting or sculptures.
Here some photos from inside the Basilica.

In the other part of the building, you can see literally hundreds and hundreds of marble statues, tapestry, and paintings. Along the aisle where they hang the tapestry, the ceiling is covered by paintings with golden ornaments around the them.

Then we went to the famous Sistine Chapel. In the movies, all the cardinals are locked in this chapel where they vote for the new pope. It will not be opened until they elect the pope. We were amazed by the Basilica, but we were in awe when we entered the Sistine Chapel, it's not a very big building compare to the others, but you can see paintings everywhere, literally! This chapel is very famous of the paintings done by Michelangelo. Remember, he didn't design the painting or measure the scale first. So many people were on the building at that time, but we only allowed to enjoy the painting without talking, security are everywhere, in every corner of the building. We couldn't take picture or record it as well, but it was very crowded, that some people actually recorded the painting by holding their video camera very low, so i did the same :P. The paintings in the ceiling looks very real, it looks like 3D. Here the photos of Sistine Chapel that i got from Google :p

We went to other parts of Italy as well such as Florence and Venice, but because of the tour schedule, we couldn't really explore the city. Maybe someday, we will go there all by ourselves and visit places that we didn't cover last time. I think Italy is a very beautiful country, classic buildings, arts and nice foods :P. This country is one that you have to visit if you have a chance, well worth it!

WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING

2009-05-31T07:50:00.000-07:00

I love love love interior decorating, i wish i could turn back time and took any interior course instead :P
Well, i can do these course for part time, but sometimes it's just too exhausting having to do another project after work. I've posted about Polyvore before, and for me it's the ultimate place where i can throw my ideas and creativity without hurting my savings :P. You can drag all items and easily delete if you dont like them. Here are some ideas that i threw at polyvore:

Time to Eat by PangTama featuring Calypso

Stone Bathroom by PangTama on Polyvore.com

Bluey blue by PangTama on Polyvore.com

Red Kitchen by PangTama on Polyvore.com

And if you like fashion, you can also make a collage of fashion and accessories that you like without spending your money heheh :P.

OVER THE WEEKEND

2009-05-25T19:58:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, our new sofa finally arrived. They came early in the morning around 9, just at the right time after Indra moved the old sofa to Bungaree. The sofa is quite big, we spent almost 4 hours assembling it. As we expected, the sofa looks massive in our small house, i thought we made the wrong choice, but as soon as we sit on it, we knew we made the right decision! ^_^

With the new sofa, i feel that my house is a proper house now. We've been waiting for 3 years to get the sofa, and it's finally completed! :P. Here some of the photos:

Good thing came out of the new sofa, when Indra moved the old sofa, he found his wedding ring! ohh...i forgot to tell you, Indra lost the wedding ring at Pemberton. We were packing and ready to go home when he realised that the ring has gone missing, we searched the whole challet but we couldnt find anything. It was 10.30 already and the check out time was at 10, so we decided to leave without the ring. Thank God we never use the real wedding ring. As soon as we got married, we order another pair of wedding ring, cheap ones and no names on them. So i wasnt too upset about it. *lesson for all the girls out there, keep your real wedding ring safe, wear the cheap ones daily!*

On Saturday night, we played poker and card games. There were Ray, Meli, Michael, Indra and me. It was fun, especially with the card games. Apparently guys are slower at snap game! ^_^
Ray and Michael couldnt finished the stack, and they decided to call it even! hahaha..

On Sunday, i started serving in hospitality team, it was great working with new people. Indra will start serving in morning service as well next month :)
We had bubble tea session after church with Taz and Ray, then we watched Slumdog Millionaire, which was really really good!! *highly recommended*

Citra, our pastor's fiance gave me this book called "The Shack", the story is about a man name Mackenzie who lost his little daughter. She was brutally murdered in an old shack. One day he received a short letter from God, inviting him to meet God at the old shack, a source of his pain. I havent finished reading this book, in fact i was only at chapter 6, but every single thoughts and words that came out from Mack are exactly the same thoughts that i had when i lost my little boy. The same pain and anger. I couldnt wait to go home and continue the book again, somehow i feel like im reading my own journey. I will share it as soon as i finish reading it.

*Thanks Cit for the book, it's awesome!*

STORY BOOK

2009-05-20T00:59:00.000-07:00

Pemberton trip was awesome!! only 5 of us went there but we had so much fun!!
We stayed at the Karri Valley Resort, and the place is as gorgeous as the picture i posted before. We stayed at the challet with 3 bedrooms overseeing the lake.
However i will not share the story now.

Maybe it's the after effect of great holiday, you know, after you had so much fun, you feel reluctant to go back to your ordinary life. Maybe that's what im experiencing now. As soon as we reached Perth, i felt down and sad, i didnt feel like going to work, and certainly i didnt want to face all these unfinished problems that im still having :(.

Negativities started to hit me, i kept asking myself and Indra why all these things are happening to us, we thought after we lost Em, at least God would take care of this coffee shop thingy, make it easier and smoother. What happened was the opposite, everything became so complicated. I actually lost my passion in getting the shop, i just want everything to end, now! im so tired and exhausted, mentally and physically! Deep down in my heart i asked "God, cant You just make it easier? especially after what had happened to us?" and i started to think that God just doesnt care of my pain and sadness.

This morning, i opened Our Daily Bread as usual, really hoping that i could find answer. I said in my heart "God, please talk to me, in any way possible". Then i read the verse from John 9:1-3, it goes like this:

"1As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" 3"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."

And it hit me again!
All these happened so that God's work might be displayed in my life!! He chose me specifically to experience these so that others can see how great our God is.
It's like God wants to make a story book, a book filled with stories and pictures showing His goodness and love. A book where He can draw a sketch, erase, re-draw and put stories in it. And that book is me. It hurts and ugly when He erases the drawing and sketches, but He uses the simple white book to show His marvelous works. He makes ordinary people become extra ordinary.

Not long after that, Adel sent us daily devotional about Vine and Branches. God is the vine and we are the branches, we dont need to try to be branches, we already are. In saying that, we have to know our position, that we are attached to the vine (God). Whatever we are facing now, we shouldnt be focusing on the condition but more to our position, we are attached to God and we should put our trust in Him.

It's really good to be reminded again and again that we are a conqueror, not a loser. Sometimes our problems overcome our ability to think clear, and slowly our focus has shifted. Our attention are drawn to our so called poor condition, but the truth is we are attached to Christ, we have everything we need, we are rich in Christ.

GOOD FRIENDS GOOD TIMES

2009-05-13T07:11:00.000-07:00

I should've posted this story long time ago, i am not even sure i can recall all the details, but i ll try anyway since im still in holiday mood :)
I mentioned Bunker Bay in my previous post, yes i've been there before couple of times with friends. This article is about that trip, it was so fun i had to write it here.

It was during Easter Break last year, 8 of us decided to go on road trip to Margaret River (Me, Indra, Tazh, Liza, Chris, San2, Wayne, Diana), yup a bunch of crazy people hehehe..

The girls were ready to (pose) go.. :)

We started our trip in the morning, we rented a van (a great one, Hyundai Imax i think) and off we went. First stop was Hungry Jacks at Baldivis, somewhere between Perth - Mandurah. We had our breakfast and crazy poses have already started.

Then in the car after Hungry Jack, i remember clearly the girls were talking about Brazillian Wax, and we all laughed like crazy. After laughing so hard many times on the road, we all fell asleep.

Around noon, we stopped at Cape Lavender, and had our lunch there. The food was great, i remember Tasia ordered Salmon, and she said it was one of the best salmon she ever tasted! after we finished our lunch, we took some photos on the lavender farm, but it wasn't the season so you cant really see the purple colour on the lavender.

We arrived at our apartment at around 3 or 4, we stayed at Quest and it's a good one :). After we unpacked our things, we headed to the beach nearby and took some more photos.....again!!! :)

I remember that night, we had Internet a la Mbak Tasia and played Wii till we dropped. The next morning, all the girls woke up quite early to prepare the breakfast, and we made continental breakfast with bacon and scramble eggs. That day, we went to some wineries, chocolate factory, cheese factory, and to the beach.

The following morning we packed up our stuff and ready to go home. On the way home, we had lunch at the famous Bunker Bay and we played at the best beach ever!! Here are some crazy and fun moments.

I love this last photo, i will hold it dearly in my heart :)

Gosh, i had trouble choosing the photos hehehe..there were hundreds of them!
Guys, i miss those moments!!! we should have another trip again!
Maybe this time we can go further...like..Europe?? ^_^..wow, it would be so much FUN!
Love you guysss...
xoxo

GETAWAY TRIPS

2009-05-12T21:46:00.000-07:00

I am so excited now!! why?? because suddenly i have all these getaway trips ahead. Me and Indra rarely have a break or holiday, we only go back to Indonesia at the end of the year and that's about it.

First Destination: PEMBERTON (MAY)
Few weeks ago, Ray (our master chef) asked if we would like to go to Pemberton. They have a really nice resort there (Karri Valley Resort), but it's quite expensive. But i think they are offering discount and special price now as the weather starting to get cold. So, we are going to Pemberton this saturday, stay there for 2 nights and coming back on Monday. We are planning our activites now, we probably going to do canoeing, walking, climbing, visiting Yahava Coffee Factory (one of the best coffees), fishing, going to waterfall, etc. Here is the picture of Karri Valley Resort, awesome right?

Second Destination: BUNKER BAY (JUNE)
The company where i work is using AMEX for some of our expenses, and we've been using it for years but we never redeem the points. So they asked me to check how many points do we have, and it turned out that we still have around $1700 worth of points! So, we decided to go on spending spree :) and we chose Bunker Bay. I've been to Bunker Bay several times with our friends, but it was just for lunch, well we were actually having lunch there so that we can go to their private beach. The beach at Bunker Bay is gorgeous! i think it's the best beach i've seen so far!! the access is limited to the resort guests only, so it's very very clean. But to stay at the resort for 2 nights?? fully paid by the company?? wow, never thought of that! So here some pictures of Bunker Bay:

Third Destination: ALBANY (JULY)
My parents and my brother are coming here in July (Thanks to AirAsia for their cheap tickets). I just cant wait!!
We only meet once a year and not for a very long time, because my brother works in a different city, and our free times always clash. So this July will be very special, all of us finally together! So special that my parents asked us to go to New Zealand, but again because my sister has a busy uni stuff and they are here only for 10 days, so we decided not to go. We chose different place for our destination, it's ALBANY. My parents have been here couple of times but they just stay in Perth, so this time, when everyone is here, we are going to Albany, we are going to stay there for 3 nights probably. We have not found the accommodation yet, but im sure there are plenty of nice apartments and villas over there. Here is the photo of Albany:

Fourth Destination: SINGAPORE (AUGUST)
My mom and her tennis friends have this some kind of petty cash between them. They've been saving up for quite a long time, and now they are in spending spree mood as well. They decided to use the petty cash money to get flight tickets to Singapore. Yup, all the ladies will spend 2-3 days in Singapore, shopping and eating i guess :P. My mom asked me to join them, and i checked Tiger Airways, gosh it's only $58 from Perth to Singapore! well it's still tentative, as we are waiting news from the coffee shop, but i will definitely put this into my diary :)

"God, You heard what i have been praying for
Yes, i need a rest, emotionally and physically
And you gave me rest A LOT more than i ever asked.
Thank You.."

04.05.09

2009-05-01T02:43:00.000-07:00

Im having day off today, i only work 3 days a week now, Tuesday to Thursday, so long weekend every week ^_^
I like to work and doing something, so when i started working part time, i felt weird, i felt like i wasted my 2 days of the week. But lately, i started to enjoy my free days, i clean, wash, vacum on those days, and what's better, i can do my sewing project too :). This afternoon i took an intermediate coffee making class, it was fun! the instructor gave us these fake dockets, we had to make 14 different coffee order and he timed us as well. I completed 14 coffees in 18 mins!! not so bad but the taste was a little bit weak :P.

Lately i received some comments on my blog, some of them are anonymous. These comments really blew me away, if you see the comment in my posting "God Remembers", it was a miracle!! God gave me message through someone in US!! I still get the goosebumps whenever i read it. I am grateful if my experience can be an inspiration or encouragement for other people, this way, i can show them how great our God is. I never thought that i would recover this fast emotionally, yes im still sad from time to time but most of time, i feel very positive and blessed. From the stories that i read, some people who experienced the same thing took years to overcome their grieves and actually moved on. So i thought, it would happen to me too. Thinking that it would take me years to recover scared me a lot!! Crying every day and night was so exhausting, physically and emotionally.

Accepting the loss is one thing, there are few things that you have to deal with after that. For me, it's very hard to see pregnant women or women with babies, it feels unfair to me. But then gradually, it became a little bit easier for me. Yesterday, we had baby dedication at church, and i felt fine, i even talked to the mothers and saw the babies afterward, in fact i felt happy for them. Thinking back, i would never be able to do that if God didnt give me extra strength.

The coffee shop project is still in the process *sigh*, it's been dragging too long!! nothing wrong from our side, just bitter feud between the current owner and the leasing agent. I hope it will be done this month, no matter what the result is, we know it's the best for us.

I've been doing SOAP journaling, our church gives away thick journal for each of us and everyday, we should read the 3-4 verses which are given for that day, and we put down specific verses which appeal the most to you, we observe the verse and apply that verse into our daily lives. I remember the journal from 1st May 09, the verse that appealed to me was about forgiving. Jesus was asked 'how many times should we forgive those who have done wrong to us? seven times?' and Jesus answered 'Not seven times, but seventy seven times!'. It is hard to forgive people who have done wrong to us, to forgive people once for their mistake is hard enough, let alone seventy seven times!. It is not common in this world to keep forgiving the same people for the same mistakes they've done, usually we will get tired of them and we try our best to keep our distance with them. The true forgiveness that Jesus said is not only from your mouth but also from your heart. It is easy enough to say 'yes, i forgive you', but can you actually forgive them from your heart??. I find it difficult. Sometimes i still talk about their mistakes and get angry behind their back. But i promised myself i will learn to forgive from my heart next time. Once i forgive them, i will try to refrain myself to talk about them behind their back, and i know i will be able to do that with God's help.

Anyway, just random information, i have watched 'Doubt' the movie, there was this particular scene that i like when the priest preach a sermon at the church, he talks about gossip. It went like this:

"A woman was gossiping with her friend about a man whom they hardly knew - I know none of you have ever done this. That night, she had a dream: a great hand appeared over her and pointed down on her. She was immediately seized with an overwhelming sense of guilt. The next day she went to confession. She got the old parish priest, Father O' Rourke, and she told him the whole thing. 'Is gossiping a sin?' she asked the old man. 'Was that God All Mighty's hand pointing down at me? Should I ask for your absolution? Father, have I done something wrong?' 'Yes,' Father O' Rourke answered her. 'Yes, you ignorant, badly-brought-up female. You have blamed false witness on your neighbor. You played fast and loose with his reputation, and you should be heartily ashamed.' So, the woman said she was sorry, and asked for forgiveness. 'Not so fast,' says O' Rourke. 'I want you to go home, take a pillow upon your roof, cut it open with a knife, and return here to me.' So, the woman went home: took a pillow off her bed, a knife from the drawer, went up the fire escape to her roof, and stabbed the pillow. Then she went back to the old parish priest as instructed. 'Did you cut the pillow with a knife?' he says. 'Yes, Father.' 'And what were the results?' 'Feathers,' she said. 'Feathers?' he repeated. 'Feathers; everywhere, Father.' 'Now I want you to go back and gather up every last feather that flew out onto the wind,' 'Well,' she said, 'it can't be done. I don't know where they went. The wind took them all over.' 'And that,' said Father O' Rourke, 'is gossip!'

It was a perfect illustration for gossip!! sometimes we don't realize what we said to other people, we might think that this person is trustworthy and he or she will not tell to anyone else, but we never know, once that gossip spreads, it's just like feathers from that illustration, we cant control it anymore, and no matter how hard we try, we can never go back and gather all the feathers. So i learnt to speak carefully from then on :)

Oh yaa..one more thing...that new movie "Defiance" is a great movie!! highly recommended!!

To people who dropped comments on my blog, i THANK YOU!!! your comments have been a blessing for me :) and i hope i can be a blessing for others too.

*God, tell Em i miss him, big kiss and hug from mommy*

RENOVATION

2009-04-14T20:09:00.000-07:00

I like everything about house renovation, not only renovation but all small accessories for the house. I would save up my money just to buy bits and pieces for my house. I don't shop for clothes but i do spend money on house magazines, pillowcases, vases, lamps, sofa, frames, shelf, etc. It's very obvious from links that i have on my daily read, all about houses and interior. I love this particular couple on ThisYoungHouse who renovated their house and often share tips on DIY projects.

I got very excited on doing small house renovation or any DIY project. Last weekend we finally had a chance to fix our (very small) backyard after 3 years!!! Well, it's not finished yet, still ugly but it looks different now, and i can at least put a smile on my face whenever i see my backyard hehehe :P. I made some cushion covers as well, i found this fabulous damask fabric at Spotlight and they are my new babies now :P

Last night i had a chat with my good sister, she knows everything about my problems and she often shares good stories or encouragement that's really uplifting. I told her that my life currently is like a big fat mess. I'm still recovering slowly from what had happened, i don't know when my life will be back to normal again after i lost my son. Our coffee shop project is still in the progress and it's been dragging for a long time, we really cant predict the outcome. And i have resigned from my current job. So, if the coffee shop project doesn't go through, i will be jobless and still have to pay the mortgage. The mortgage itself, i feel like killing the mortgage broker now for wasting my money for their stupid mistake *sigh*. On top of all these, me and Indra became very sensitive, so little things can easily trigger an argument.

Anyway, she shared with me that our life is like a house renovation. God is renovating our lives at the moment and He hasn't finished yet, that's why it looks messy and ugly (just like my backyard). Sometimes, when me and Indra do our small DIY project, we got tired during the process and we decided to continue the project for next time, but then we forgot about it (that's what happened with our front yard fence, with only half of it painted) and I'm glad that God doesn't get tired in renovating us, otherwise we will be left as ugly as my fence!

The fact that God is pruning and shaping us right now brought us joy, He still loves and cares for us and He wants us to get better and stronger. Before doing the renovation, we usually draw or make a sketch of what we want for our garden or house. I believe it's the same with God, i know He has designed or drawn something more beautiful for our lives and He is starting His project now. We just have to be persistent and be steady, believing that God is not finished with us yet.
Yesterday, we said "we've had enough!! that's it!!" but thank God we decided to keep moving, otherwise His beautiful project will never gets done.

In less than a week, i will turn 26. I can see my life from 2 different angles.
1. Gosh, why do all these things happen to me in my early life? I shouldn't experience these now, how am i going to live the rest of my life with big emotional scars in my heart? and keep complaining why God is so unfair or
2. God thinks that i am strong, that's why He started His project now not later. He wants me to flexible and stronger now, not later. He wants to make me more beautiful now not later. How great is that? i should be grateful for all of these then? :)

I'm not good in writing and telling stories, but i just hope that one day i will be able to look back and read this, and be amazed of what God has done in my life. Thanks again sista for sharing :)

GOD REMEMBERS

2009-04-13T19:49:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling down from Sunday just because of something that Indra said.
In times like this, little things can really blow myself up.

Seeing other people happy and blessed with no major problem in their lives makes me down even more. How can God let others happy but not me? Why does God give other people a healthy baby but not me? These thoughts hurt me deeply.
What did i do to deserve all this? i know im not better than anyone else but im sure there are a lot of people that are worse than me. And what makes it harder is there are a lot of people falling pregnant now, i asked "God, is it not enough to take my son away, now You have to give me all these pregnant ladies in front of me? just great!!"

And im sick and tired of people saying "Dont worry, you'll be ok" or "I understand how you feel" bla bla bla...because you know what?? YOU DONT!! you dont know how it feels until you lost your child, so please if there is anyone who lost a child, come and show me how to deal with the grieve, otherwise, just get lost!

This morning i felt horrible, i didnt have energy left, i cried too long last night.
I could barely open my eyes and still driving hoping that something will hit me so i dont have to face all these again.

And i reluctantly read Our Daily Bread and hoping for some answer.
Today's title is: "God Remembers"
"God remembers us wherever we are. Our concerns are His concerns. Our pain is His pain. Commit your challenges and difficulties to Him. He is the all-seeing God who remembers us as a mother remembers her children, and He waits to meet our needs"

Well, this devotional didnt change my bad mood in a split second, but at least it's something that i can hold on to. Hoping that God really feels my pain right now.

TRIBUTE TO MY OTHER HALF

2009-04-02T21:46:00.000-07:00

This posting especially created for my loving husband Indra.
I cant thank him enough for being there for me.
He makes me smile when im sad, he lifts me up when im down, he fills me with positive thoughts when negativities strike.
I know this has been a tough journey for you too, but yet you managed to keep me sane :). I dont remember how many times i asked you "why?" until you got annoyed and stressed out.

Im sorry sometimes i didnt realise that we are on the same boat, i expect answers from you when you are experiencing the same sadness and desperation for an answer.
Thank you for being strong for me. Thank you for holding my hand and putting your arms around me when i cry.

You always said i look great eventhough i gained few kilos :), and you always be proud of who i am.

We have so many differences and we argue a lot, but i couldnt ask for a better life companion than you. And i thank God for placing you in my life, because He knows that you are the best for me :)

02.04.2009 | 11.24PM

2009-04-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

Today we went to KEMH again to meet the doctor and discuss about the autopsy result of my son.
I prayed so hard so there will be no bad news today, i've tried so hard bulding back my life and now that im moving on, i so dont want to hear anymore bad news.

We met the doctor who assisted me on the procedure, she is really nice lady, humble and thoughtful.
She basically said that the autopsy confirmed that there were no kidneys from the start, not even a tissue was developed for the kidney. The other parts of the body were normal, no genetic problem whatsoever. And she said the possibility of this occuring in the future is extremely small.

On the way home, i was thinking about all that happened, and everything became clear to me. When we first received the news about 3 months ago, some people told us to have faith in God that He will do miracle, and this was actually our test of faith. But after hearing the autopsy result, my mindset was changed, and somehow i can see it from a different angle.
My heart said that yes, this was our test, but a different test than what most people said. Our test was to have faith that God will restore our relationship with Him and that He has greater plan for us.

I know some of you will disagree with what im about to say. But i believe God put doctors and technology for a reason, im not saying that i should believe doctors more than God, but i shouldnt use my faith blindly. We do believe 100% that God can perform miracle, but it might not be God's test for us. We did ask God to speak to us if He wanted us to keep going, but He kept silent. Even if Em had 5% chance, we would go all the way, but it was 0% chance. The kidneys were not there all along, it makes me believe even more that God let all these happened for something, something great and it's true.

We are blessed that we've been having a good life with no major problems to solved. Sometimes when your life is smooth sailing, you dont really feel God's involvement in our lives. Maybe that's what happen with us. We truly believe that God let this happened because He wanted us to feel His love and involvement again. Oh yes, the feeling is crystal clear, we feel so loved by God, He put everything back to the right places.

*Baby Em..
Thank you for being there in our lives even for a short time
You are part of God's BIG plan for mommy and daddy's lives, you are in His mission,
and mommy truly blessed to experienced all these and to be able to hold you for a while.
You have brought us back into God's loving arms, and mommy loves you very much for that.
I miss you baby..*
xoxo,
Mommy

4LIFE PHOTOGRAPHY

2009-03-31T21:30:00.000-07:00

I saw few anonymous comments on my blog and just realised that my blog actually has readers :)
It's possible that this blog has more reader than i thought, so i am going to use this blog to promote my husband's photography business too :). Hopefully some of you who came across this blog interested on it.

I think i've mentioned his photo blog before (8Round), but it was just a collection of his photos. Recently, he decided to try photography as a side business, and that's when he entered on of his photos to the WedComp competition, and actually won 1st place.

He changed the name from 8Round to Photo4Life, which i think is better. He does Engagement, Wedding, Family, Kids and Babies, and also Products. We truly enjoy taking photos of people, for us it doesnt feel like a job but more like fun and relaxing time on the weekend, where we can go places and do funny stuff to get the best photo possible. And nothing can beat the feeling looking at the happy couple or family enjoying their time.

He is doing promotional package now on wedding, engagement and family photo. Please visit his website here Photo4Life, and drop him any queries or pricing request :)

FOOTPRINTS

2009-03-31T07:05:00.000-07:00

It's 9.30pm now, i've been helping Indra with sample album for his photography business.
It's really fun and i enjoy it so much and finished when my eyes were getting sore because of the computer screen.
Didnt realised that i've spent 3 hours in front of this big screen. Then i took a shower.
That's when the sadness striked again. I just cant let myself idle doing nothing, otherwise all those negative thoughts will come back. When im by myself, i can feel myself slowly slipping down, i always ask Indra to company me, i never let myself alone at home.

I was lucky that Ka Ira was online and got me into conversation and she shared this beautiful poem.

Footprints In The Sand

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Scenes from his life flashed across the sky
and he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
one belonging to him and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life had flashed before him,
he recalled that at the lowest and saddest times of his life
there was only one set of footprints.

Dismayed, he asked, "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
I don't understand why, when I needed you most,
you would leave me."

The Lord replied, "My precious child.
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering
when you saw only one set of footprints...
That was when I carried you."

Carolyn Joyce Carty ©

God, thank you for being there for me..
I am going through my trial and suffering now
I can only see one set of footprints and they belong to You.
But i believe that You are carrying me with You..

*Thank you Ka Ira for sharing this beautiful poem with me*

EM'S BOOTIES

2009-03-30T17:28:00.000-07:00

I made these booties especially for Em, I think the bow makes them look girly,but I love the colour and I'm sure Em wouldn't mind wearing them :)

"Baby Em,
Just now mommy made special booties for you..
I really wish you were here to wear them,I'm sure they look good on you.
Mommy made them by hand full of love for you.
Every stitches represent my love for you and how much I miss you
You are too special for me and nothing can replace you.."

Xoxo,
Mommy

3KG TO GO

2009-03-29T23:31:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday we finally bought the sofa that i posted before on this blog.
We were planning to bargain a little bit that day and wait for another week, when we reached the shop, all the sales person were busy attending customers and we were alone for sometime. We then decided to go back and come back the following week.
But then we found one free sales person and tried to bargain with him.

He said the price has been reduced so much he couldnt give us anymore discount.
He told us that by Monday the price will change, there will be an increase by 35% on all import furniture, and that day only, he sold 15 of that sofa.
Well, he could be lying about the price increase but we just couldnt lose another one. So we paid the deposit, and we are happy with it.

I finally found the dress for Robin and Tiens' wedding.
I was so reluctant to buy new dress.
I know that i've gained few kilos from the pregnancy and i still have some on me. It would be a devastating dress hunting.
But im really happy with the one i found, it's a long dress and looks ok for me, not superb but good enough to hide my fat. I cant believe i've gone from size 10 to 12 :(
Well, not really 12, probably 11, but they dont normally sell size 11, except for jeans.

Arrghh...why is it so hard to lose the last 3kg???

I AM ANSWERED

2009-03-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

"Suddenly i realised that i have a daughter.
I remember that i havent been around for her for sometime, someone else taking care of her, feeding and holding her. I forgot that i have a daughter because i was too focused on my grieving for Em.
So, i came back to see my daughter and i held her in my arms, and the hole in my heart was filled up again.
She has a dark black wavy hair like me, and she is so beautiful.
When i came back to see her, she was in this room with other kids, and she was colouring a picture and when she saw me, she just dropped everything in her hand, smiling and running towards me, and she shouted "Mommy!!" with her arms wide open. I lift her up and hug her, and at that very moment, i felt my life complete again."

Yes, that was my dream.
In case you dont know, im a dreamer, i dream every night and about anything.
Mostly related to what's happened on that day or to what's been hanging on my mind.
Since i lost Em, never once i dream about him, and it's so weird because it affected my life so much and i miss him everyday but not once he came to my dream. I miss him so much to the point i asked God to bring him to my dream. But still nothing.

And suddenly i had this dream.
When i woke up, i realised there was an important message on my dream. I felt like this dream is telling me to move on. If i focused too much on what's in the past, i would never see what could happen in the future. In my dream, i was grieving too deep that i didnt realised i have a daughter.

I told Indra many times that this hole in my heart seems cant be replaced my anything. And i wonder whether i'd feel this way my whole life.
I can actually feel my heart full again when i hugged my daughter in my dream. The sense of loss was suddenly gone and i felt a deep warmth in my heart. It was very real that when i opened my eyes, i still could feel the warmth feeling and i would do anything to feel that again.

Guess what, i had another dream last nite that relates to Em.
In my dream, i have a son, he's so tiny like Em when he was born, so tiny that i could carry him in one hand, but he is healthy and had my nose too.
I put on new clothes on him and at that moment i feel so sad that i couldnt put good clothes on Em when he was born. I was going to cry in my dream.

2 nights in a row after waiting for more than 1 month??
Could they be God's answers to my prayer? i did ask God to answer and give me comfort and assurance. I felt like He wanted to tell me that i have to move on so i wouldnt be blinded by the past. And i believe He has prepared something great ahead that finally can replace my loss and fill up my life again.
Now i know why God didnt give me the dream earlier, because i wouldnt be able to handle it so well. It could very much destroys me emotionally. Now that im moving on, He answered me in the way i wanted.

And yes God, i am moving on with You..

"Baby Em..
I had a dream last night that i have a son, he looked like you but i knew it wasnt you, he had different eyes than yours..
I am sad that i couldnt give you the very best and i couldnt put good clothes on you.
But i believe you are complete and healthy in there with Jesus, and that you are playing happily in heaven.
I am moving on baby Em, but it doesnt mean that im leaving you behind, you will always be in my heart, wherever i go. You will always be my beautiful son :)
I love you so much, i cant wait to give you the longest kiss and hug...and when that happen, i will never let you go again.."
xoxo,
Mommy

27.03.2009 | 08.47AM

2009-03-26T16:45:00.000-07:00

God, im ready to start a new day
Please help me to keep positive and not letting anyone or anything bring me down
Help me to focus what's ahead and not looking what's in the past
God, please show me a glimpse of Your heart, touch my heart and help me to fall in love with You all over again.

WHO'S GONNA SAVE MY SOUL

2009-03-26T16:39:00.000-07:00

Love love love this song, well..actually i love all of their songs :)

I got some bad news this morning
Which in turn made my day
When this someone spoke I listened
All of a sudden, has less and less to say
Ohhhhhh how could this be?
All this time, I've lived vicariously
Who's gonna save my soul now?
Who's gonna save my soul now?
How will my story ever be told now?
How will my story be told now?

Made me feel like somebody
Hmmm, like somebody else
Although he was imitated often
It felt like I was bein myself
Is it a shame that someone else's song
Was totally and completely dependant on
Who's gonna save my soul now?
Who's gonna save my soul now?
I wonder if I'll live to grow old now
Gettin high cause I feel so low down

And maybe it's a little selfish
All I have is the memory
Yet I never stopped to wonder
Was it possible you were hurtin worse than me
Still my hunger turns to greeeeed
Cause what about what I neeeeeed?!
And ohh Who's gonna save my soul now?
Who's gonna save my soul now?
Ohhhh I know I'm out of control now
Oooh-oooh, tired enough to lay my own soul down

NAMES IN THE SAND

2009-03-25T22:39:00.000-07:00

I came across this blog namesinthesand few days after i lost my son. I was in a horrible stage and i was looking some sort of comfort. Browsing through this blog reminds me that im not alone, so many people experience the lost too. This blog was created by Carly to honour children who have passed away by writing their names in the sand. So i requested Em's name to be written on the sand as well, and look at the result, it's so beautiful :). I thank her personally for creating this blog and im sure she has been a huge blessing for many people.

I know that i've been chosen to experience this because im special in His eyes and He has a great plan for me. He didnt let this happen to take me down but to bring me up even higher. I dont live for other people, i dont care what people say, they dont have the right to judge what i did or what i've been through. I will have the right focus, and it's in Jesus only.

Baby Em,
Look at the photo, it's so beautiful...i hope you like it :)
I love you always

xoxo,
Mommy

23.03.2009 | 10.32AM

2009-03-22T18:23:00.000-07:00

At the office and it's raining heavily.

Since i had Em's memorial service, things have been quite good for me.
I didnt cry as much, in fact i cried only once or twice since then. I think the memorial service marked my time to stop grieving. Not saying that im fully recovered now, but i've started to move on. It's very slow but i know i am moving on.
I still miss him from time to time, especially when things happened and i wonder how it feels if he was still here with us. But again, he is the best place possible, he is with Jesus and probably playing happily with him.

I've been overwhelmed by the attentions i got from all of my friends. Some of them are not so close friends but yet they gave their encouragements and it comforted me so much.
Through this, i met my long lost friend. We used to go to the same church, and we usually sat together. But then she moved to other church and we never in contact again since then. She dropped me a message on facebook and we arranged a lunch together.

We havent met for at least 5 years and she has changed a lot, she serves at her church and become a huge blessing for the homeless people. If you remember, i wrote my passion in this blog before, and it has something to do with serving the community as well. She inspired me a lot, and somehow that passion came back to me again. She mentioned one thing, when she served and care for the homeless, our problems seem like nothing compare to what these people have gone through.
I believe God wants to use this tragic event for greater thing, i dont know, maybe to give me new passion and vision of what i can do for the community.

I better get back to work now, not much work at the office, but at least i have to pretend im doing one :P

Baby Em, how are you today?
Are playing with Jesus right now?
Mommy cant wait to see you and hold you again,
Be patient ok..
Love you, Mommy

YORK CORNER CHAISE

2009-03-22T02:34:00.000-07:00

When we bought our house, we had nothing.
We bought second hand sofa, second hand TV which we are still using until now, budgeted furniture package, etc.
The sofa that we bought was a good one, eventhough it's second hand. It's top quality, it has leather lining and prefect colour for our house. We are so happy with the sofa except the size. Yes, it's a 2 seaters sofa.

At first, the sofa was perfect for us, only me and Indra who sit on it, and it fits perfectly with our small house.
But when my sister came, it became a little bit crowded. When our friends came, some of them need to sit on the carpet as well :(

For 3 years, we have been doing a sofa hunting. We are so particular of what we want. We found several of sofas that we loved but we missed it because we had no extra money to spent. When Indra entered the photo competition, i asked him to buy sofa if he wins with the winning money, and he agreed.

The latest sofa that we found is called York Corner Chaise, we've been keeping our eyes on this sofa, hoping that we will have extra money soon to get it before it's gone. We love everything about this sofa.

As you can see on the corner, the price has been reduced and we have extra cash from the winning money!! we are so excited!!

Well, the thing now is, this sofa is a little bit too big for our house.
It will surely fit into our living room, but less space for people to go to the dining room :(
We worry that our house will look even smaller with this huge sofa set in the middle of our living room.
But i so dont want to lose this one...

HE WON!!!

2009-03-19T17:35:00.000-07:00

This morning we got a surprise!!! Indra has won the WedComp competition!!!
Here is the link: http://www.wedcomp.com/comp_winners.html

About The Shot:
It was a perfect day and a great wedding: simple and elegant. Wedding is about two people in love, expressing and declaring their love and commitment witnessed by the people around them. I love the way how the groom passionately kissing the bride, as it gives me an expression of how bold is their love for each other. And the expressions of those supportive people in the background creates a beautiful, joyful and unforgettable moment for the couple.

Judge's Comments:
Terrific use of the vertical crop. Wonderful decisive moment. I love the way the image is compressed and the complete tonality in the file. This image was the strongest overall because of the simplicity of the moment. It didn't try too hard to be something it wasn't, and the moment stood on it's own merit without photoshop actions or other post processing trickery. Nice, solid moment with terrific elements within the frame. Clear winner, for me.

Awwww...im so proud of Indra!!!
I've known him for 8 years, i know that he has a lot of talents, but he has low self confidence. He is uncomfortable with praises and attention. He always avoids people on his birthday, and he always acting weird whenever people praise his work. He feels that he never achieve anything and doesnt have much in himself.
I've been trying to change that ever since, and what he said this morning touched me so much.

He said happily "Wow, this is a weird feeling..i've never won anything before in my life"

I've been trying so hard to show him that he in fact has A LOT in him. And this morning, he proved himself wrong, and i was right all along! :)

See honey??
You have A LOT in you, you just need to acknowledge it and be proud of it!
I love you, and i will always stand behind you to give support and encouragement.
You just have to believe in yourself :)

Baby Em..
Do you see that? your dad is awesome!!!
I wish you were here to see all these..
You should be proud of your daddy :)
We love you and miss you..

xoxo,
Mommy

EM'S MEMORIAL SERVICE

2009-03-14T06:43:00.000-07:00

Last nite we held memorial service for my son,it was exactly 1 month since he was born.
We had around 17 people coming,they are our closest friends.
I went home from the office around 4 and bought flowers for the service.
I put Em's box on the small table with his teddy bear and blankets, I put his hand and foot prints on the frame.
The day before I bought a blue knitted blanket and white teddy bear,being my first toy that I bought for him.

It started around 6.45 and Ps Mike lead the worship, we sang 'Through It All' and 'He's Been Good'.
I haven't gone to church for almost 2 months and I forgot what it feels to worship God so it was so good to sing and worship Him.
I did cry listening to the words 'You never let me go,through it all...', I might don't feel it in times like these but I know for sure that He never let me go.
After that Ps Daniel opened with a prayer before delivering a short devotional.

There was 1 point that opened my eyes,he said that we all think that the world that we are living in now is the world of the living and when we died we go to the land of the dead,
But it's actually the other way around, we are living in world of the dead as we all will die someday and we will continue to the world of the living which is the heaven.
We will live together with Jesus where there is no tears and sadness anymore.
And for Em, he skipped the world of the dead and went straight to the world of living.
It strengthened me a lot, I can be sure that Em is with Jesus now and is happy and healthy, he is in the best place possible. He is playing with Jesus right now and watching his mommy and daddy from above.

After Ps Daniel finished the devotional, me and Indra came up and said thank you to the guys for coming and I read out the letter that we wrote for Em.
It was our first letter for Em, we miss him so much and hoping that he heard us.
Seeing people cried while we were crying truly made us realize how Em is loved by our friends and it brings comfort and joy to us.
I asked people to write short note or letter to Em and they put the letters into the box and some of them read out their letters.
It was so moving,I really hope and pray that Em could see and hear all the letters.

Baby Em,
Were you here last night?
Did you see how your uncles and aunts love and miss you so much?
I bought you a little white teddy bear, it's the first toy that i bought for you.
I hope you like it :). I also put the unfinished blanket that i knitted for you in the box. They all said that you looked like me, and im so proud of you.
We still miss you like crazy, but i know you are with Jesus now, and im sure you are sitting on His lap probably watching me writing this blog.
I cant wait to see you again Em, will you remember me when we meet?
When we meet again, i will hold and kiss you as long as i can.
Em, can you ask Jesus to keep holding mommy and daddy's hands? we need Him the most right now.
Ok, mommy needs to sleep now..be a good boy...

Lots of love and kisses,
Mommy

13.03.2009 | 08.39am

2009-03-12T16:45:00.000-07:00

Exactly at this time, one month ago, i saw my son for the first time.
I can feel the pain, sadness, relieve, despair, and everything that you could ever felt.

God, i miss him...
How is he doing there? is he a good boy?
Please tell him that we love and miss him a lot.
Please tell him to remember us..

My head is spinning now, i cried too hard and too much last nite to the point i couldnt breath.
The pain is unbearable God, please take it away a little bit, please help me...
God...why?

Emmanuel, how are you today?
Mommy misses you so much, especially today.
I held you for a while, and that's it...
Mommy is having a memorial service tonight with your aunts and uncles :)
Mommy asked them to write you a letter, so you know how much they miss and love you.
Last nite, I bought you a little white teddy bear, that was the first toy i got for you. I didnt have chance to do much for you, so many plans and dreams that we had for you, now they are gone. I didnt have a chance to finish the blanket that i knitted for you, i didnt have a chance to buy you lots of toys, i didnt have a chance to give you lots of kisses and hugs. I promised myself to give you the best that we could give.
You are in the best place now with Jesus, please be a good boy...
I love you my little man...

12.03.2009 | 4.34pm

2009-03-12T00:27:00.000-07:00

God, im so tired today...
Dont know why, maybe because of the heat or because i ate too much.
God, wake me up please...

Tomorrow is my son's 1 month anniversary, we are going to have special service, simple and short one with our closest friends at home. Definitely not a joyful occasion, but yet i have to prepare this and that :(

God, time passes really slow in my world now...can You please make it faster a little bit for me?

11.40pm

2009-03-09T07:40:00.000-07:00

How on earth could You take away so much from me??
Is it not enough that You have to put all these terrible things around me??
Why did You give it in the first place if You're going to take it away??
Why can't You ease my pain and burden just a little bit??
Why can't You answer me just like You answer others??
Am I that bad??
I gave You the best that I could,not for something in return but because I love You!!!
Where are You when I need You the most??
People are saying that they understand how I feel,but they don't! No one will understand the pain until they go through this.
People are saying that You are the source of strength at time like this,but how is that possible when You are the one who planned all these??
Am I Your black sheep that You have to torture me like this??
Why can't You give me the same happiness that You give to others??
You have all the powers in the world,is it too hard for You to answer me?
Was is pre-destined or free will??

I am waiting here...hellooo..are You there?? I guess not...

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

2009-03-08T21:05:00.000-07:00

It's been almost a month since i lost my little boy.
I have been through so many difficult situations in my life, but this is the hardest.
I dont feel like doing anything, even the coffee shop project doesnt interest me anymore :(. This coffee shop was for my son, so when he's born, i will have more time with him, but i guess it doesnt matter anymore.

I am mostly fine during the day while i work as i have so many things to do and people to talk to, but when i got home, i feel so lonely, and it's getting worse at night. It's difficult to close my eyes and not to think about anything. Because as soon as i free my mind, i will think about my son :(. I have to take sleeping pills at night before bed, it helps but not much because i feel like zombie in the morning.

I am grateful for many friends that concern about me. They do everything they can to cheer me up and listen to me everytime im down. I've been praying to God to give me an answer to this situation, i want to know why He's doing this. But so far there is no answer. I see Him differently now, i used to see Him as a God who is close to His children, God who cares and God who loves unconditionally. But i cant see that now:(

Maybe He is laughing happily looking at me like this, i hope He is satisifed.
Im not the best person, im not perfect, but i've been trying to be the best i can for Him, and it seems everything didnt matter to Him. I feel so betrayed.

Everyday, i feel that there is a big hole in my heart that cant be replaced, and sometimes that heart feels so heavy like a stone, and it hurts me a lot, but i guess He just doesnt care, maybe He is busy blessings other people and forgot about me, maybe He put me at the very bottom of His list. Oh well, what can i do? im only a human, it's all up to Him, i am just His puppet and He can plays with my life like a yoyo.

I often ask myself "What have i done to deserve this?? Am i that bad??" or maybe for Him i didnt give or serve enough, oh well..i have served and given the best i can..everything is for Him and only a little for myself, but again, i think it doesnt matter for Him.

Hmm..maybe i was pre-destined not to be loved by Him..so there is nothing i can do to fix this...

" Baby Em, i still miss u very much..do you miss me too? "

BABY EMMANUEL

2009-03-08T07:36:00.000-07:00

13th Feb 09, 08.39am, KEMH Subiaco.Our son, Emmanuel Ethan Pratama, was born.

As soon as I feel him arrived into the world, all the pains suddenly gone.
He silently entered the world.
I wasn't ready to see him that way but the nurse put him in my chest.
I saw him for the first and last time, he was tiny and looked like he was sleeping peacefully.
He definitely had my nose,cheek and chin, he looked a lot like me.

I saw the tears rolling down from Indra's eyes, I asked him to touch our son but he just shooked his head slowly while trying hard to holding back his tears.
I looked at Em and touched his cheek, I saw his tiny hands beneath the blanket, I wanted to open the blanket and hold his hands and feet but I was too scared I might break him.
After Indra cut his cord, I asked him to pray for Em, I prayed so that God carry my baby in His arms to heaven as he was too perfect for this unperfect world.
I beg God everyday for another chance to see baby Em, there is so much I want to say.

God, please read him this love letter from me.

"Baby Em... Mommy misses you everyday...
There were a lot of things I should've done when u were in my womb.
I had you for only a short time but it was the best moment in my life.
Mommy looks at your photo every single day with tears and I can't wait to see you face to face
and hold you in my arms again when the time comes.
I hope you forgive me for not holding you long enough and not kissing you when I had the chance,
but know this, I love you so much...you will always be mommy's little boy.
Lots of love and kisses,
Mommy and Daddy"

AT HOME.....FINALLY...

2008-12-23T03:48:00.000-08:00

Yes, i'm finally home!!!
Arrived at Jakarta on Sunday greeted by traffic jam and super humid weather. My hair turned afro as soon as i stepped out from the plane :(
I spent almost 2 days at my in-law's house, and this morning i took 6 hours trip by train from Jakarta to my home town.

Thank God everything was ok, my body was fit during the long and exhausting trip, my apetite has came back little bit. I ate black pepper crab, nasi tim, noodle, tahu gejrot, etc etc during my 2 days in Jakarta *this is what u called a little??*. I so LOVE indo food!

My mom has prepared all the food that i love, including that glorious nasi bakar!!!
Ohh..im soo gonna enjoy the food *Taz, Ndra, dont worry i havent forgotten u guys, i did take photos of all the foods :P*

I miss Indra already :(.
I have arranged the catering for him before i go and i have also washed and ironed all his clothes, hopefully he can take care of himself over there. I cant wait to see you again!!! *all my kisses and hugs to you*

Now im waiting for him to go online *what took you so long?*...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!!!

MIRACLE IN THE MAKING

2008-12-08T18:39:00.000-08:00

Let's call it Baby Pratama for now.

READY FOR CHANGES

2008-11-18T15:52:00.000-08:00

So many things have been going on in my life for the past 2 weeks, me and Indra have gone through emotional roller coaster and we are grateful for it.

Through these things, God showed us that His plan is perfect and beyond our imagination. We have seen so many things happened miraculously in our life.
And we learnt that the more we surrender our life to God, He will do more awesome things in our life. And that's what happened in the past 2 weeks.

We as human being always have this fear inside us when our life doesnt go according to our plan. Not sure about you guys, but me and indra like to plan, a lot!
We plan everything down to the little things. When we fail to go according to our plan, we have this fear that other plans will get affected and everything will be messed up. Most of the times, this is our source of argument :P. We rely too much on our plan, more than we rely unto our God.

God showed us that He can do much more than what we expect or imagine, with His own time, His perfect time. He will not let His children in need, but give abundance blessings especially when you rely unto Him and accept His plan gratefully.

04112008

2008-11-04T19:54:00.001-08:00

041108 by PangTama

THE WIDJAJA

2008-11-03T18:19:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday, we had another family photo session. We went to Fremantle and City Beach. The Widjaja family is a picture of a perfect family :). We always enjoy taking family photos because me and Indra are not that close to our family, we have been living here in Australia for few years, and sometimes we forget how it feels to be with our family. I suppose, taking family photo is our expression of how much we long for this moment with our own family.

Here are some photos of Widjaja family:

25102008 HARRY

2008-10-26T18:48:00.000-07:00

Last saturday, we had a photo session with Bea, Jim and Harry.
The focus was Harry, capturing his candid moments, and sure it was not easy.:P
He is very active and was soo hard to get his still image. But it was fun and turned out really good. We brought Meli along to help us with Harry hehehe...i can handle little baby and pre wedding, but not toddler! :P

24102008

2008-10-23T22:35:00.001-07:00

241008 by PangTama

1st ANNIVERSARY

2008-10-22T19:35:00.000-07:00

20th of October was our 1st wedding anniversary. I cant believe a year has passed, time does flies. I still remember when i started this blog, it was called 'Tying-D-Knot" and created purposely to record all the wedding preparations.

So many things have happened during this 1 year, all sad and happy moments, all the fights and hugs. We thought after living under one roof for 2 years before marriage will make it easier, but it's not. We had a lot of things to adjust and compromise, and i believe we still are right now and in future. But i guess that's what brought us even closer right? these things taught us how to react and respond with love to one another.

I cant say that it will be a smooth journey ahead, but we are getting stronger and better from when we said 'i do'. As long as we have each other's hand, i reckon we will do alright.

Here some photos from our short break to Yallingup:

AUSTIN & MELISA'S WEDDING REGISTRY

2008-10-05T21:36:00.000-07:00

Another wedding held on the 4th October at Bluewater Grill, it was my dear friends, Melisa and Austin's.
It was a simple lunch but very enjoyable and special :). Especially when Melisa cried during the reading of the vow. I also made special table runners for her, with blue vintage floral theme. I love love love Melisa's dress, it was very classic, a dress from the 50's or 60's complete with white hat and net, not to mention her shoes, she got them from FAR FAR AWAY in Milan. Here some photos again taken by 8round :

Melisa will have the ceremony and reception in Bali with "Vintage Affair" theme, so sad i won't be able to come :(. But im sure her wedding will be fabulous & gorgeous!!
Again, congratulations from me and Indra, we wish you a wonderful and blessed journey together.

RICO & MADY'S WEDDING

2008-10-05T21:21:00.002-07:00

On 27th September, Rico and Mady had their wedding held at Belvoir Homestead up in Swan Valley. It was a great wedding, the weather, the venue, the food, all perfect.
I love Mady's hair-do, it suits her really well. Here some photos taken by 8round:

They are made for each other, arent they? We wishing you guys a very blessed and happy marriage :)

SEARCHING FOR HOME

2008-09-18T22:09:00.000-07:00

It's true, im currently questioning my 'home'.
A 'home' that supposed to be a shelter, a place where you can sit and relax, put down you burden and breathe without getting critized and judged.

A 'home' i called for 7 years. 'Home' where i serve and worship.
I never question my faith, but i question the essence of home.

A place where everyone should humble themselves, not a place for competition.
But how come all of my pain come from 'home'? It's wrong, totally wrong.
I didnt expect to have a perfect 'home', because it's full of unperfect people.
I've been trying to adjust, cut and trim myself here and there, hoping that my existence would give benefit to others. I feel that my flaws are not acceptable, i have to be perfect everytime, i cant be mad or angry, but ok being mad or angry at. My heart is extremely heavy everytime i'm heading there, there must be something wrong! I must have cut and trimmed myself too much.

Sometimes i wonder, why do people from outside are much better? they are full of understanding without being judgemental and theoritical. They dont based their kindness on a specific teaching. The world should go like this: if they are nice, we should be nicer, if they are wise, we should be wiser, but i could never prove that. What is wrong with my 'home'?

Is it possible to still have the faith without the 'home'?

GUARD YOUR HEART AND MIND

2008-09-14T21:04:00.000-07:00

I am essentialy a quiet person, i dont talk much with new people. That's why when i got angry, usually i blow up.
I do have so much anger in my heart, im not a person that can forgive and forget. I can always build that relationship back, but that pain will stay in my heart.
I must admit, i am a person with so much revenge and hatred in my heart, i was raised this way.

But one thing i learn as i grow up, it may takes a while to change and fix your heart but you can always change your attitude and what comes out from your mouth.
When i was angry, i used to talk back to people and hurt them, i was very good at that. But then i realised, what's the point in that? showing them that you are stronger and better than them? No, that attitude looks shallow to me.

Especially when you are getting older, wiser and more mature, you have this urge to respond in a more intellectual way. Not with anger, shouts, harsh words. As im getting older, i tend to shut my mouth when my heart is boiling, the reason is i dont want to hurt people's feeling, i will let it calm first and talk. That way it will be a 'win-win' situation.

Im still 25 yrs old, i still have a lot to learn, but i can say im proud of myself in the way i handle my mouth and attitude :)

I've been fasting and praying for a week, i do have several problems and tribulations to overcome, and God has put some tests over the week and they were not easy. I am still waiting for what i've been praying for, but during that God showed me other things as well. After a full day of fasting, i always looking forward for the dinner, and i feel so grateful for the food, it becomes something so precious and valuable. It made me realise how God has blessed me so much, much more than a good food, i never lack of anything and yet still complaining.

PS: "Thank you Tas for knowing me better than others, luv ya"

BAGS

2008-09-02T09:10:00.000-07:00

TERRACOTTA CUSHION

2008-09-02T08:58:00.000-07:00

ENGLISH ROSE SHOULDER BAG AND REVERSIBLE LUNCH BAG

2008-09-02T08:37:00.000-07:00

MONDAY NIGHT

2008-09-01T06:04:00.000-07:00

EARTHY

2008-08-27T08:13:00.000-07:00

VOTE FOR AMELIA ONG

2008-08-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

Amelia Ong is my sister and last week she took an audition in one of radio station. The winner gets to sing with Stevie Wonder at his upcoming concert.

There are 45 contestant, and we need more supporter to vote for her :)

Im not sure whether i have a lot of reader on my blog, but hey..no harm in trying.

If you managed to read my blog, please spend 30 seconds to vote here: http://www.mix.com.au/perth/music/win/jammin_stevie/audition_day_1st.html

Here is the link to the audition video:

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1586371827/bclid1745181236/bctid1747848850

Your supports are greatly appreciated!!!

DUMANSION

2008-08-21T00:28:00.000-07:00

Last nite i tried to shoot some photos for Indra's client.

Her product range from gift, note book, invitation, etc. The note book is handmade! Yes, handmade! Gorgeous aren't they?? Check out her website: www.dumansion.com

Indra said that she likes the photos that i took, so she decided to use our service to re-shoot all her product, how exciting!!!

Here some photos (raw image, no photoshop whatsoever):

BY REQUEST

2008-08-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

Yes, this posting is by request :)
My dear friend Melissa asked me yesterday to update my blog hahaha... i've been quite busy for sometimes. But today, i dedicated this supposedly work hours to update my blog.

I know my blog contains random things, from wedding to sewing. But im glad if people get something from it. From the first time i created this blog, several people ended up in my blog when they searched for 'kebaya' online. They asked me information about kebaya and where they can get it. It really means something for me, to be able to give those information and ideas.

Most of them were looking for Anne Avantie kebaya as she is well known overseas too. Too bad that she doesnt have her own website, so the most we can get is her kebaya pictures on the internet but no contact or address whatsoever. Since i mentioned about Anne Avantie on my blog, maybe this is why they landed on my blog.

Anne Avantie's kebaya is beyond words!! gorgeous and delicate!! but of course, you have to pay the price for that :). That's why most of the time, i introduce them to Intan Avantie, Anne's daughter. Same quality with more affordable price.

Lately i found more great kebaya designers in Indonesia.
One of them is Djoko Sasongko from Surabaya and the other is Lenny Agustin from Jakarta.
Djoko has a website: www.djokosasongko.com
I am so proud of them, how they can re-create a boring, old, single colour kebaya to modern, elegant, and sexy kebaya by combining various fabrics and colours. I wish i have their talents! :P

I texted Intan and told her, several people from overseas are interested at her kebaya, she was so excited!

My dream is to wear Anne's kebaya one day :p

SEEING FAMILIAR FACES?

2008-08-05T20:51:00.001-07:00

Yup, that's right!! that's us in the middle. Me, Jess and Feli on James Morrison concert.

The concert was awesome, it was all worth it!! every cents!! They have been playing in Perth every year, but it always for the schools and never open for public. This is the first time they perform for public and one night only. The seats were full that night, no one want to miss this!

It was very interactive and entertaining. The music was really really good, i give them 10/10. We sat at the very front row, close to the speaker but it was still amazing!! Especially if you like jazz and big band music, i've never seen a real big band playing in front of my eyes complete with James Morrison and singers (including my sister). It's like a dream seeing them playing live in front of you, that close!

During the night, they presented scholarships to some of the player, and man...they are GOOD!!!
James Morrison also played with his tour band, they played this really fast song "On The Edge". You can really see the skill of those players, when they played their instruments with that difficult music notes in such a fast tempo. They also played the soundtrack of 'Flinstone' with big band and James Morrison asked the audience to shout "Wilmaaa..." in the middle of the song!! :)
And seeing your sister singing with the band was just incredible, we are so PROUD of her!

Hope they will play again next year, and sure i will not miss it!

SURPRISED!!!

2008-08-04T19:09:00.000-07:00

Had a long day yesterday.

Came back from work then off to church, doing the yearly budget with Mark and Liza until 9.30pm.
Then headed back to my favourite couch with my kuwaci, sitting between Meli and Indra.
For some reason, Meli kept asking me to take a shower and Indra kept asking me to change clothes. I didn't move, i was enjoying my kuwaci, no one can move me!

Then at 11.30pm, i took a shower and there my PJ laying on the bed. When i took my PJ from the bed, something was there, hidden under my shirt. And this is what i found:

No wonder Meli and Indra kept asking me to go to my room and hoping i would change my clothes and find this! Hehehehe, thanks Ndra and Mel!!! I soo love you guys!!

I've been thinking about this perfume for some time, but i didn't have the courage to buy it, since we have other things to pay. I was so surprised last night, i really didn't think that they would buy this for me!

Ahhhhh...now i can smell Chloe everywhere....

JAMES MORRISON CONCERT

2008-07-31T23:41:00.000-07:00

It's Friday and i cant wait to go home.
I feel sooooo sleepy...i cant open my eyes properly, me and Indra stayed up till late doing poster and flyer design for our church, we slept around 2am last nite.

Something exciting tonight!!! Yup, we are going to watch James Morrison's concert.
And what more interesting is my sister is going to sing couple of songs with James Morrison!!! How can we not proud of her???

Gtg back to work now.....i want my bed!!!!! T_T

HOME

2008-06-26T19:12:00.000-07:00

I wanna go home...there is nothing here for me.
I need unconditional love. Love that doesnt count. Love that comes out from inside not from request.

OVER THE WEEKEND

2008-06-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

Me, my mom and my sister. Do we look similar?
So sad that my mom is going back to Indo this afternoon but i enjoyed her short visit a lot!! I hope she's coming back here soon...I'm going to miss u....

SPECIAL BAG

2008-06-14T03:29:00.000-07:00

I made this bag especially for Ka Ira who has been very nice to us :).
She is truly a super woman, helping church the whole day, cook for her family at night and always ready to cook for church when we have special event.

She has been a huge blessing for us, she always remember me and Indra whenever she cook and we always always get free food!! :P. She also help us in a lot of things. I regard her as my Aussie mum, not because of her age of course, but because of her love and care for me. My mom lives far far away from me, but i thank God for Ka Ira's presence in our lives, i won't be able to write down everything she has done for me, but trust me, she has done A LOT!!!

I know she loves pink and red very much, so i only hope that she likes this bag :).

SERVING

2008-06-05T17:33:00.000-07:00

You may believe it or not, but when i took the spiritual gift test, i had several result and one of them is serving. I serve God and church for several years in several ways, like ushering, singing and currently as a treasurer. But somehow i dont get the fulfilment of serving, i thought 'what am i missing?', i suppose to feel happy and joy when i serve, since one of my gift is serving.

Then i realised my serving gift is not in term of serving church in anyway possible, but more specific. I'd love to do community service like opening a soup kitchen, distributing a free clothing to the needy, helping the elderly do their groceries, or delivering meals to their homes, you know..those kind of things.

Currently, our church doesnt have the capacity or the man power to do these things, I would love to see this happening in 5 years, for me being a blessing to other people is not merely giving them theory about Christianity, stuff them up with the word of God, they need something that is applicable for them, something that relevant to their needs. We have to be able to see what their needs, and i think in today's world, LOVE is the one they seek. Acceptance and understanding to their limitation, even just being there for them at the right time is something powerful.

People sometimes make it too complicated on how to reach others, they set a top strategy and provides various facilities to attract them, until they lost the core and basic value of human's need, which is LOVE. It's not hard to provide LOVE for others, they dont need our facilities and strategies, all they need is for us to be there for them and LOVE them.

It's time to put Christianity value into action not theory only.

Well, that's just my little thought, hope there are some people out there that have the same thought and passion as me. I've been blessed abundantly and it's time to pass my blessing to others :)

RED FLORAL SHOULDER BAG

2008-06-02T07:19:00.000-07:00

Remember my red cushion that i made couple of months before?
I still have that fabric and last night i made another shoulder bag with that fabric.
Less than half an hour after i finished the bag, my friend came and she likes it and reserved it straight away :).
So before this bag is gone, i took some pictures, here they are:

Oh and also, good news from the long weekend, we BOUGHT A HOUSE!!! Yeayyy...it's not a new house but it's very well maintained. We are planning to rent this out as an investment...a lot of work to be done but we are so GRATEFUL to God for this house. He has taken us a loooonnggg wayyyyy...:). Here the photo of the house:

GOOD BOOKS

2008-05-29T08:08:00.000-07:00

I wish we have more books like these in Australia :)

PINK PAISLEY BAG

2008-05-20T23:16:00.000-07:00

Another one from my sewing machine:

PERFECTPEARS

2008-05-17T23:37:00.000-07:00

Dear All,

Me and Lisyen are starting a small business.
If any of you needs small accessories, gift for wedding, and other novelty goods, please visit our shop (still in progress though): http://perfectpears.blogspot.com

Regards,
Fang n Syen

GOOD FRIEND IN NEED

2008-04-28T00:33:00.000-07:00

Gosh, i just had a good laugh.
The highlight of the day.

I was such in a bad mood from last nite because one thing and another.
All i wanted just to go home and relax, no spirit and energy left for work.

But then, me and a good friend of mine whom i talked to everyday chatted in a pretty serious matter which ended up in a FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY imagination. I know we should take this matter seriously but OMG i dont how we ended up there hahahha.
I laughed so hard and the phone suddenly rang and i picked up the phone with my last giggle, the caller fortunately from Indonesia, and he giggled as well hahaha...thank God it wasn't my boss :P

O well, at least i have something to laugh at...and yes im still laughing whenever i remember it.

HAHAHAHA...

PERFECT PEARS

2008-04-22T07:03:00.001-07:00

BEING 25

2008-04-20T21:52:00.000-07:00

I had my 25th bday on Friday, it was great!! i took leave on friday and met Lisyen and Agus in City and we had dinner with friends at Thai Garden.
Special gifts from special people:

1. BOSTON LEGAL Season 3 from friends (u guys know me by heart!! :P)

2. Sewing Book from my sister (a really good book, im so excited!!!)
You can see my picture riding Becak in Pwt with t-shirt belel and short sitting like a preman :P.

3. Surprise bday cake (from Tasia D)
This cake is yummy, if anyone want to order cake, you can msg her here:http://tasiaduchesne.blogspot.com

Thanks all for the bday wishes and gifts, so blessed to have you guys :)(Thanks to Tasia, Lisa, Chris, Wayne, San2, Ka Ira, Emon, Ferry, Ein, LIsyen, Agus, Adel )
Special thanks to my husband for everything you've done for me...muach!

CHERRY BLOSSOM SHOULDER BAG

2008-04-20T21:08:00.000-07:00

Another one ordered by Irene M:

PAISLEY PLEATED PURSE

2008-04-13T19:37:00.000-07:00

Another purse i made :). This time i tried to make pleated purse which was not as easy as i thought or maybe i just did it the wrong way. Well it's not too bad, is it? :P
I put a little flower pin to make it pretty.

GREEN POLKA PURSE

2008-04-08T04:47:00.000-07:00

This purse reminds me of Vitacimin in Indo hehehe..green and yellow :P

THE RIGHT FOCUS

2008-04-06T17:47:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, my husbad was leading at the church when he shared his short testimony of our lives. As i was listening, i realized that we have been focusing to the wrong thing.

As you know, my husband is starting a business, so that he can quit from the current job. We prayed ernestly to God about this business, and we put everything unto God's hands.

My husband started to spent most of his time in front of computer and looking for clients. We didn't have quality time anymore, i was frustrated and tired. He would come home from his work around 5 and go to his work room straight away, and finished around 1 or 2am. We hardly have time to sit down and talk.
Eventhough i was tired, i thought it's fine as long as he does something to make the business works.

But eventhough he tried so hard, finding a client was really hard. Somehow his effort producing nothing. We grew even more frustrated, and we got to the point where we blame GOD for everything.

Not long after that, my husband suddenly realised that we've been doing the wrong thing. Yes, we focused more on how can this business work, how to find clients, money, etc. We didnt even have time to pray together anymore. From then on, we made a list of what we want to achieve this year, and we pray together every night. Not only we pray, but we also tried to change our attitude. Instead of worrying and focusing on the business, we do what we should do, pray and be grateful for everything He has done, and leave the rest to God.

Things started to change, our lives getting better, we always reserve a quality time, he is not to stressed about work, etc. And eventually, jobs and clients came to our way, jobs and clients that we never expected before, bigger and better!

So, we thank U God for teaching us a lesson, for Your constant care and love for us. Despite of our sins and weakness, You still there watching and holding us.

BUTTON PURSE (Reserved by Liza)

2008-04-05T20:38:00.000-07:00

On Saturday night, i made another purse, this time using some buttons that i bought.
When it was 50% done, Liza came and asked me to make her a purse, so i showed her this one. She liked it and she reserved it straight away.
So here it is:

SEXY RED CUSHION

2008-04-05T00:39:00.000-07:00

Yeay!!! They are done!!
Remember i told you that on the weekend i'd try to create extra cushions for my lounge room?
Well, here they are, my achievement of the day:

Anyone want to order? :D

AUSTRALIA IN BUTTONS

2008-04-03T20:39:00.000-07:00

I bought these buttons from Spotlight last nite.
They sell these in a bag and one colour in a bag, but i found this one with 'Shabby Chic' tag.
The buttons are in mix pastel chic colours, they are gorgeous!!! And the other good thing is they are all different, some of them are very vintage and classic!

When me and my sister played around with them, we made Australia shape from these buttons. Ooohh...we are so AUSTRALIAN!

SPOTLIGHT

2008-04-03T17:47:00.000-07:00

Yeayyy....today is Friday!!!

I LOVE weekend *who doesn't?*!!
Last nite was late nite shopping where all shops open until 9pm. Since my husband bought me the sewing machine, i've been spending my free time either in front of the sewing machine or at Spotlight. So i went to Spotlight last nite, and spend 1.5 hours there, browsing through fabrics and accesories, gathering all ideas and plans.

I found this fabric with cream/beige background and red floral pattern. I was thinking of making 2 extra cushions for my living room couch. Let see what happen with this plan hahahah..:P

Why red?? See, my house was dominated by brown timber colour furniture and i love it, except for a round couch that we bought at Freedom couple of years ago. It's in the centre of our living room and it's red!
It looks unbalance for so long but i didnt have the gut to try something, but then i decided to put another red here and there to make it balance and to my surprise, they look good together (see my previous post 'Red Loves Brown'). Since then, i've been looking for red accessories and decorative for my house.

Im so excited, at least i have one more project for this weekend and i cant wait to go home and sit in front of my sewing machine :D

INDIGEANOUS POUCH

2008-04-02T19:08:00.000-07:00

Another one from my sewing machine :D